Episode 211: Boomers Booming--How to Thrive After 65 w/ H Frances Reaves

Join us in this episode of the Aging Well Podcast as we welcome H. Frances Reaves, a distinguished elder law attorney, advocate, and author of Boomer's Booming: How to Thrive After 65. Frances shares her personal journey into elder law, inspired by her parents' struggles with aging and dementia. She covers essential topics such as estate planning, Medicaid, ageism, and practical advice for seniors to thrive in their later years. The episode dives into Francis's experiences and insights on the importance of having a thorough estate plan, the challenges seniors face, and ensuring a fulfilling life even after 65. Get ready to be inspired and empowered by her wit and wisdom as we explore ways to change how we view and approach aging.

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Transcript

0:20

Welcome to the Aging Well Podcast, where we explore the secrets to living a vibrant, fulfilling life as we age. Today, we're honored to welcome H. Francis Reeves, a renowned elder law attorney, advocate, and author of the empowering book, Boomer's Booming. How to Thrive After 65. Francis is on a mission to change the way we view aging, offering practical advice and inspiring insights to help seniors take charge of their lives, protect their legacies, and thrive in their golden years. From navigating estate planning and Medicaid, to embracing adventure and even rekindling romance, Francis covers it all with wit and wisdom. In this episode, we'll delve into essential topics like ageism, making informed decisions about care, and ensuring Financial and personal security in the later years, get ready to feel inspired and empowered.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:09

Francis, welcome to the aging well podcast. Can you just start off by sharing a little bit about your personal journey to elder law and what inspired you to write boomers booming?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:22

Well, that's easy. Mom and Dad. It really started I had, I had been a litigator when I first started practicing law, which means, you know, this high stress job where you're always like in court and and then I met the man who was going to be my husband and moved to Baltimore I got into politics and not so much as a elected official, but sort of on the back side of that in the fundraising area, policy area, ended up as Assistant Secretary of Economic Development for the state of Maryland under Governor Martin O'Malley, who is now the Social Security Administrator. You know, these politicians, they just keep revolving. of course, he's looking for another job now. So, and then when Martin was kind enough to fire me, I, came down to Florida. We had a home here. my husband and I, we had a home here. So, I came down to Florida. He had already moved down here. And was sort of looking for something to do, whether to go back into law when mom and dad started needing some extra help. And they lived in Houston. So I started going there about once a month and it was clear mom had dementia and dad was pretending that wasn't happening. So, when my father turned 90, We had this big family reunion birthday party, it was apparent to my brother and I that mom was, was gone. You know, she, she, she really needed help. in this business, the caregiver almost, not almost, dies before the person they're giving care to because of the stress level. So we were, we were really nervous about dad and, and rightly so, truthfully. So we gave mom and dad the, no one lived in Houston, Texas. So they my fa my brother lived in Atlanta, I lived in Miami. They chose, dad chose Atlanta, so we moved him to Atlanta and it was very apparent then that mom couldn't even live with dad. And at which point we, she had long-term care. So we put her into a home. It's a house of about six or seven people, each with their own bedroom. And it worked pretty well for Mom. But it was the first time in 62 years that they'd been separated. So it was, it was a little harder on my father, but as I started going through getting them what they needed, I found out that there's, there's no one for elders. There's no one number you can call like one 800 elders. You have to do everything yourself. And, and here, pop was 90, 91. He was getting these. big from Medicare saying, this is not a bill. Well, if it's not a bill, what is it? You know what I'm saying? And he, he was really having problems dealing with his checkbook. And, and so, and like to, to get mom's social security card, we couldn't just order it like you can now. I had to go to the social security office. I mean, it was, and then having a power of attorney, which I had for both mom and dad. But the social security doesn't take my legal power of attorney. You have to have a social security power of attorney. I mean, it went on and on and on. And the truth is, we got, I mean, the, the good news is dad was a vet. So he got vets what's it called? They have a program vets, veterans, aid and attendance. So he got 2, 000 a year from that. And then his social security. So He was living with my brother and on his own decided it was time to go to a social to a assisted living facility Because of the socialization, you know, my brother was busy. His wife was busy. So So it wasn't it really wasn't an issue There was there was plenty of money with vets aid and attendance and that that wasn't the case with mom mom's long term care insurance ran out, and that's another story when her insurance ran out, we, we had to put her in a nursing home, which was without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I mean, I never, ever expected that mom, that. A parent of mine, a woman who had lived all over the world, was a Pan American flight attendant, was a magna cum laude graduate of American University, would end up in a nursing home. when your father's in an assisted living facility, and 000 a month, Matt and I didn't have that kind of money. put her in a memory care unit. And actually, when we did the first time, when she was under long term care, she escaped. So, that's another story, where I talk about how intelligent people with dementia really are. And, so I put her into the nursing home, a Medicaid home. I had to put qualify her for Medicaid, which meant she couldn't have any money. And at the same time, I went after her long term care provider, and this is what started the company and me being an elder law attorney, I went after the elder the long term care company, which is a big one. And because they had counted mother's days wrong. They've counted the days wrong. You know, you get so many days I of course had to count every day. And then this is how I got to them. joined that premiere on LinkedIn, you know, you can have. You can just be a LinkedIn member or go premier. So I went premier and found anyone from that company with a senior VP title or higher, or CEO of a branch or whatever, wrote a letter and sent it to all of them via LinkedIn and believe it or not, within 24 hours, I was on a phone with someone from the company and a week later, they gave me 15, 000 for their mistake and said to me, Oh, Ms. Reeves, this never happens. Yeah, you never get caught. That's what never happens.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 8:17

Yeah. We originally started this podcast because we kind of had the idea of creating kind of an Annie's List for, for aging individuals.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 8:35

Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 8:35

just realized that, you know, I'm an exercise physiologist. I have no computer skills whatsoever and the cost that that would take. And thought that, you know, we can get to a lot more people. To a podcast and trying to get information out to people. And that's kind of where we're at. And, you know, I, I still think we can't get enough information out to people. And so I appreciate having individuals like yourself on the podcast so that we can begin to educate people earlier rather than later and, and do it. Kind of more preemptively as opposed to I'm in this situation right now. What do I do? Who do I contact? And so what are some of the other challenges that you have seen seniors face the most? And how does your work work to address these?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 9:51

Well, the challenges are unending of our culture, for whatever reason. And I don't know why, but I see it in, within my family. We give seniors absolutely, or elders, absolutely no credit. I mean, yet they're, they have all this wisdom, they have all this experience. My goal, especially with the boomer generation, since we're the sex, drugs, and rock and roll group, right? That it should be under us that this changes. We should demand. It's not all everybody else's fault. Some of it is our fault for not demanding better care. mean, I am a bitch and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. I can be a glass eating one when it comes to one of my elder clients being mistreated, whether it's a doctor. a server. I mean, you know, waiters and waitresses don't think people that elders tip as much. They used to think the same thing about women. Doctors, I fired my parents doctors. She, all she did was talk loudly to them. And, and when some of dad's symptoms were, could be a stroke, she like even double check? No, she sent him to the emergency room where we sat for two hours. I mean, really? That's what you do as a doctor? So, it's, it's really a cultural phenomena it is certainly here in the United States, but unfortunately it's growing, you know, in Great Britain, they have care homes. It's the same thing as a nursing home. And and really nobody deserves that. They, they've done their value add. I talk in my book about, on Hillary Clinton's podcast. She had Nancy Pelosi. And Nancy Pelosi said that the only reason she got into government is so that there were three reasons. The children, the children, the children. And I'm like, well, what about the seniors? Which, A, you are. And, and remember, Nancy came from Baltimore, which is where I was in politics. So, her her brother and father were both mayors. Baltimore. So, that family is a political family. And the fact that it was all about children and no one was giving elders or seniors gratitude for allowing those children to stand on their shoulders. I mean, am I on my soapbox? am,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 12:45

Stay on that soapbox. We need to be. We need more people on soapboxes. I think. So in your book,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 12:53

go ahead,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 12:54

so in your book, you encourage seniors to thrive, not just survive. What are some of the key elements of surviving or rather thriving after the age of 65?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 13:04

well, hello, get out there, I mean, what happens is, I think at the very beginning of my book, I, well, I'm just looking at it, I talk about how life is a cabaret, right? That's the title of the book, the title of that chapter. I talk about the two visions you can have, you can be the, the woman in the Armani at the age of 72 in, in your car. They're four inch heels now, not six. Or you can be the grandma in those plastic shoes with the kids all around you. I mean, either one of those is great, right? It's your choice. And that's what you have to know, is that it's your choice. You know, the last kid's gone, the last dog's died. Now it's time for you to do what you want to do. And if it is read every book you never got to read and eat bonbons, I mean, I encourage you to go walk, but still, if that's what you want to do, I'm not here, I'm not here to judge you at all. I'm just saying do it because this is, the book was originally titled, Because after 60, it's really hard to double your age. At 50, I thought I could. But when I turned 60, it was like, oh! And a book was born.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 14:30

It's still my goal to double my age and I'm 61. So

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 14:35

Good for you!

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 14:36

I'm going to shoot for it. So you also mentioned in the book, we're not over the hill, but climbing plateaus. Can you elaborate a little bit on that perspective?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 14:46

Oh my gosh. Well, I can do it just in what happened in my life. Because if you've read my book, you know what my husband did. Which was spend all his money, And then his disease took over, the dementia, which is now Alzheimer's left me, and quit paying his bills, and so left me in debt to the tune of about 300, 000. So, yeah, so, it was like, oh, I thought I was gonna be taken care of. So, I mean, here, here I am, basically, a senior, right? And I have to ramp up the law practice, a book, and each one of those is, it's an uphill climb to the next plateau because now I'm getting ready to put Tom into rehab and Advantage program, which means I'm gonna lose his social security, which means I now have to, I have to ramp up. Just to make up that 3, 000 and to have insult to injury because Tom's social security is higher than the required income in the state of Florida. I have to, the good news is I'm a lawyer, but I have to do a specific type of trust and put 500 into it every month. So I'm out 3, 500 a month and he still thinks he's a wealthy man. So, so, you know, each day can be a plateau. Now I say this laughing now because all of this happened in 2022, I can tell you in 2022. I was a mess. I could not believe this had happened to me. At which point, you have a choice, right? Do you fold up? And feel sorry for yourself, and, I mean, I didn't have any children, I do have long term care, but I had no children. And so, what was I going to do? Sell my condo? You know, go live, you know, in some place and feel sorry for myself? Well, that was an option, but I chose the other one, which was ramp up my law practice. Get on podcasts like yours, such as Aging Well, so that I can tell the story and that nothing is definitive. You always have to move forward. good friend of mine, Emerson Fittipaldi, who is a four time, two time F1 and two time Indy 500 champion, always talks about You know, life is like a bicycle. Imagine an f1 guy talking about bicycle. He says you just have to keep pedaling forward and his son just won his his first f3

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 17:44

Oh wow.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 17:45

I know

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 17:46

But none of'em are cyclists. Huh?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 17:50

Listen emerson were here, he would tell you that his worst Accident was with and his wife rosanna they were bicycling, across this huge causeway we have and ran into a a fisher person with a bucket and it was the worst accident. I mean he He went to his regular doctor and the doctor started laughing because here this guy has been in all these others, F1 and Indy accident. And I mean, he is down and out for the count with a bicycle as was Rosanna. I think she broke her ankle.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 18:30

Oh, that's a life for you,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 18:33

but that's exactly what happened in 2022 to me, right? was like I was on that bicycle and I hit that Fisher person. What do you do? You got to get back up on the bike.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 18:46

Yeah. And so that kind of brings me to my next question. Why is estate planning so critical for seniors and what are some of the common mistakes that they make in doing so and, and, and when they delay it?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 18:59

Well, the most common mistake is thinking that your family is going to take care of you.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 19:04

I know better. My daughter's already told me she's not gonna take care of

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 19:11

which makes no sense to me, right? Because every time I went to visit my parents up in Atlanta, and when they were there, I would go once or twice a month. Every time I went up there, my father would say, he would always, he'd feel so bad, you know, oh, he calls me Franny. Franny, now, are you sure about this? I, like, I spent the night with him in, in the emergency room. Because this is my father. I mean, without him, I wouldn't be here. And he, he ra I mean, of course, had the bigger burden of raising us because he was out making the money, but he did it. He made the money so that I went to all these wonderful schools and college. I had to put myself through law school, but fair is fair. But nevertheless, I mean, so for me, it was an honor. I mean, my, my dad fought for our country. And, and now, you know, these kids, the people now are like, oh, oh, oh, and I'm thinking to myself, really, really, you know, where would you be without this person? Even mom and I who were, it took me a while with her, but we were definitely oil and water. But the bottom line was when, when she was down and out for the count. I just told myself to get over it. This woman at the minimum gave me life. She birthed me. And I've had a really good one I don't understand why our culture is the way it is. and a lot of my friends are the same way I am. So maybe it's just the people I hang out with. But the reason you need an estate plan And you need it done by someone professionally, not the internet. because you, A, you're going to have more fun if you know everything's taken care of in the last part of life. But most importantly, you're going to have someone there to make decisions when you can't. And that's usually done through a power of attorney. And power of attorneys in the state of Florida, the minute you sign a power of attorney, given everything away. They can go to the bank. and take everything you have with that durable power of attorney once the bank approves it. The reason I'm not, when it comes to an estate, not everything has to be a trust, nor does anything, everything have to be in a will. There's lots of other options so that you skip probate. Probate is what happens after you die with a will that you take the will to this judge and then the judge In Miami, it takes a year to 18 months. That's why we try to avoid it. But then the judge looks at the will and doles out as per the author's request, who gets what. In a trust, as well as other instruments, in a trust, what happens is, it's the same thing as a will, except everything's in the name of the trust. Like, this jacket is in my trust, so it's in the H. Francis Reeves Revocable Trust Jacket. Or the house is not in my name, it's in the name of my trust. So everything has to be placed into the trust, but then when you die, it, it can be immediately dispersed. You can do that in some states with homes. You know, so, but what happens is once it's done, you've had that. You've had that conversation about death because most people seem to think it's not going to happen to them. It never ceases to amaze me. I mean, if the Queen of England died, I have news for you. You two are going to die because who thought Elizabeth would ever die? So, so you have that conversation and it's always hard. My husband never had that conversation. I just went ahead and did it all for him. So, he didn't, he, he doesn't even want to face it and there are a lot, a lot of people out there. of them, I, I, the stories are in my book R E S P E C T, Aretha Franklin, Aretha Franklin knew, knew she was going to die. She had pancreatic cancer. The doctors told her, do you think she had a will? Not only did she not have a will, had four sons. And then each one of them came up or found a will. Then she owed the IRS a mere 80 million dollars. That was past taxes. Now we have to do her estate and what all of her records are going to be worth that they have to pay tax on. So it took five, five years to clear her estate. Five years. But that's not as bad as Audrey Hepburn. Audrey Hepburn, movie star, tiny little thing. She did it well. She had two sons. She put together her estate so that the two sons would receive her equally. Then on her movie memorabilia, movie memorabilia, she said, you guys just decide what you want. 25 years later, those two boys finally decided what they wanted. Because to Audrey, they were just movie memorabilia. You know, she didn't

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 25:00

Yeah. Did

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 25:01

their worth was. All of a sudden these two boys realize, oh no, this one's worth more, you know, and you have to value that estate. Imagine how much the attorneys made. And then my favorite story is right here in Miami. Joe Robby, he was a lawyer, to the same woman all his life, had 11 children. was a real estate lawyer. He put together a trust. he was the owner of the Miami Dolphins and the Joe Robbie Stadium, which he built without government funds. So, he now owns this football team, and Stadium. He together the trust and his three oldest, two boys and a girl, were his trustees and within that trust he had an inter vivus trust to give to his wife money every month so that she could live the way she wanted to live. So the three, so he dies and at that point he has nine children. Two had pre deceased him. So the three trustees go in. They sell 15 percent of the team to the,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 26:14

to Joe Marino?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 26:16

no, I'll think of his name, but they sell 15 percent of the team fire their brother. Now I'm assuming this brother was maybe a little bit slow or something, but know, the the Miami Dolphins paid him because they're dead. Well, mom wasn't upset about Huizinga, Wayne Huizinga blockbuster. That's

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 26:35

Okay.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 26:36

it to. we ended up with the team. So mom wasn't upset over the 15 percent She couldn't have cared less. But the fact that they fired her, her son, she was furious. And she said, no, that's not right, and three kids said to their mother, well, mom, we're in charge, not you. Dad left us in charge and we know what to do. So mom says, okay, I want my marital share in the state of Florida, probably also in Oregon. you're married, And you are left without a, if, if you're left some money, but it's, it does not equal a third, it's called the elective share, a third of the estate, if it's not equal to that, you're allowed to claim up to a third of the gross estate. net, gross estate. So she says to the boys, Yeah, well I'm gonna, I'm gonna go get my elective share and they said you can't do that because then we'll have to pay taxes. She said watch me. She got her elective share. She was, she was dead by the time the Florida Supreme Court said yeah, the elective share is gone. Everybody gets it. they had to sell the team and the stadium to Wayne Huizenga. That's how it became Blockbuster Stadium. And she left her money to six of the kids that they distributed. And then the other three got in on the ninth of, one ninth of their father's estate after. But, they lost a team and they don't speak to each other. Really? And that's what I'm saying. I mean I mean, don't get me wrong Joe Robbie was a smart man, which is part of the problem, but a real estate lawyer can't do a trust apparently. Or if he had someone do it, they've never said who it was. So that's why you need an estate plan.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 28:47

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 28:47

people who, these are people who had everything at their disposal.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 28:54

Yeah. I think it's just the, probably other 99% of Americans that don't have access to all that and that information and, you know, just the mistakes that they can potentially make. It's just mind boggling.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 29:08

Listen, I've seen families with that power of attorney, steal and blind. And

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 29:15

I was lucky with my family, you know, my, when my mom passed, my, my youngest sister really took the reins of being the power of attorney and, and dealing with kind of the mess that my mother left. Personally, I didn't want anything. I didn't care if I got anything. It's like my mother owed me nothing.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 29:32

uh huh,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 29:33

gave me birth. That's all I need. And, you know, same, you know, same with my father. He passed earlier this year. His, his wife is still around and, you know, we've really taken it on to keep in touch with her. Not that I want anything that might be left in the estate, just to make sure that she is going to be cared for, you know, They had no children with themselves. She had no children of her own. She has a sister and I think a niece and that's about it. And I don't know how that is all structured. I really don't care. I just want to make sure that she has everything that she needs for their years remaining. And I think that's the kind of attitude we need to have with our parents is like, it's not about us. It's about them. And what do we do to make their final years as smooth and as Hopefully vibrant and well as possible.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 30:30

right,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 30:31

we're just too selfish as a population and it gets frustrating. I mean,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 30:37

right,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 30:38

I act like an a hole it's because I'm pissed off at people for how ignorant they are and how obnoxious they are. And I get where people think I'm a real jerk, but, you know, I don't care about myself as much as I want to care about my, you know, my, my family, my parents and so on.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 30:56

well I, I mean, I am, I credit my parents with raising me care for them. I mean, it was. You know, when dad would get nervous that I was spending too much time taking care of his stuff, just say, hey, dad, you know, it's an honor. I'm your daughter. It's what I'm supposed to do. And you know, he was the same way. He took good care of his mother. He, I still remember the thing he hated the most was when mom had to go into a nursing home because he came from a small town in Texas. And there, He'd go see his, he was the youngest of eight children in a farm family. So, Aunt Frankie, who was, I think sister number two, was one of his mothers, you know, as he was growing up, so when, when she had dementia, I mean, she, and she got to the point where, where, you know, she was babbling, and so when she had dementia, he would go visit her every time he was in town at the nursing home. And when I told Dad what we were going to do have to do with mom, he, he, he said to me, he said, just make sure it doesn't smell because where Aunt Frankie was, you know, it had smelled and, and I talk about, look, if you walk into a nursing home today and it smells, you walk right back out of there and go and, you know, call somebody. Not that, know, here in Florida, we have an elder care statute. And I have several clients who have been abused in an elder care, elder care abuse, you know, like they've taken almost always they take away their homes. And and it says in the statute that the police must start investigating right away. Well, I actually, you know, I went and met our state's attorney who, who does a, you know, You can only do so much, I understand that, but Katherine Rundle, I think she does a good job. However, it's like everything else, elder care is at the bottom of the barrel. They, I actually went and met with the police detectives who were going to take care of this person and what had happened. And you know what? They still haven't been to interview him because, well, you know, if he has a little cognitive issue, we're not sure we can take it to trial. Okay, how about all the witnesses around him? You know what I'm saying? I mean

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 33:30

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 33:31

they make the obstacle stopping point instead of looking for a solution. And as far as solutions go, I have to give a shout out to a man named Mark O'Gronin, who is Harvard undergrad and Yale Medical School, and he's a psychiatrist, gerontologist, several books on the subject. The most recent of one, and I quoted it in my book, is The End of Old Age. he talks about dementia making it as bad, as good as it can be at that time. In other words, you know, dementia is, is sort of like this. It's so, like with Tom, because of the Alzheimer's, it's going a little bit faster. You know, he's at fall risk now. I can't always get him up. I mean, hence. The fact that we have to move him, but the, Mark really talks about how everybody has something to contribute if you just allow them to contribute. And he has, he is the head of a group called the Skadle, I think, Mind Institute. And what they're doing is wellness for dementia. And they're treating dementia a little like cancer. In other words, you don't treat pancreatic cancer the same for every person. You have to, it's now individualized treatment. And that's what he's attempting to do with the MIND Institute. And and I mean, it's a small thing, right? like, why didn't we think of that before? You know? It's,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 35:12

yeah, there are a lot of issues with just health care in general that need to be addressed.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 35:17

Yeah, and what do you do with your exercise physiology

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 35:23

I'm a team.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 35:24

keep dementia at bay

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 35:27

well, I teach so hopefully I'm spreading the word and getting a few more people out there that are going to be qualified and willing to kind of help people address their life early rather than later. I teach from a philosophy of, you know, all of exercise science. Healthcare, all those things are biomechanical, psychosocial. So I'm really emphasizing to my students the importance of social relationship in treating disease and interacting with individuals and how important those things are to overall health. You know, we have six pillars that we talk about on this podcast. If you want to have longevity and have a good health span, it's physical activity and exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, have good sleep hygiene

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 36:19

Sleep

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 36:20

a healthy body composition. What's that?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 36:22

sleep hygiene. I've never heard of it referred to as sleep hygiene, but that's a good word.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 36:27

Yeah, and I had never really heard of it. It sounds to me like, you know, clean sheets and, you know, change your pajamas once in a while and that kind of stuff. But it's actually having a regular routine, getting to bed, ideally the same time every night, getting up the same time every morning, even on the weekends. Doing the things that are going to allow you to have better sleep quality, like, you know, turning off electronics before bed, not drinking alcohol late at night, not eating hot, spicy meals late at night having a cool dark room, all those types of things that are going to help us sleep better. Cause you know, if you want to reduce the risk of Alzheimer's, one of the biggest things is going to be sleep. And getting that good brain recovery and everything and then we have don't smoke and which, you know, I'm glad we don't have to speak of that as much as we used to, maybe, but not smoking.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 37:19

loves, yeah,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 37:20

All right. And then let's see. How many pillars is that? Is that five? And then we have the purposeful social connection. You know, and we really empathize

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 37:30

important. Right,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 37:35

how are you hanging out? Is it doing anything that's productive in terms of helping you to age? Well, and a lot of people, it's like, you know, when you hang out, we, we, we watch football on Sundays together or we we go to the bars. That's not purposeful social connection. You know, it's the people that, you know, that. In a heartbeat, they're going to drop everything they're doing to help you out.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 37:59

exactly,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 38:00

Yeah, and so I'm

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 38:03

you know, for me, as an attorney, I, I endorse all of those pillars and sometimes it's really hard for me because some of these folks are people I've known for a long, long time and as a consequence, they expect me kind of hang with them. Okay, well, I have half an hour here free, you know what I'm saying? Just sort of hang for free. But, I would drop everything I'm doing for them.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 38:33

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 38:36

But, we have a big elder, in our, we have a community center here in this area of Miami. And they have an ASK program, Active Seniors on the Key. And they it really, it does a lot for them. You know, they have a dance group, they have a singing group, they meet for lunch every week, and it's free. And so, you know, they bring in different speakers. For Thanksgiving, they had the little kids be the, the first graders be the Indians and the pilgrims and do a play. So, that would be my dream scenario, is if elementary schools were built next to senior campuses, like campuses that have independent living, and assisted living, and the MIND Institute, and a home because there's so much a first grader can learn from an old person, and there's so much an old person can learn from a first grader. usually by that age, you're open to it.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 39:44

and I think universities too. I mean having the young Yeah, really all three of the first ages really need to be actively involved in the fourth age You know, we have the you know The dependents, the independents, and then we have the, the retired folk. And then you have, hopefully, a very small portion of the population are the people that are in that age of decline and, and decrepitude where, you know, they're, they're sick and they really need care and health. You know, if we manage healthcare well, there's a lot more dollars available for those in the greatest amount of need, particularly those that are in their latter years or in their final years. But we end up We're so damn selfish with ourselves that we we're spending all healthcare dollars because we can't take care of ourselves let alone somebody else

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 40:35

Olympic!

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 40:35

There you go.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 40:36

to myself the other day. I've always worked out. I went from ballet to the track team. No, I was a ballerina forever, but no one told me that at 5'10 it wasn't really a good career choice, so I went to law school in the end, I could prance really well in the courtroom. But I, I was thinking to myself that the whole time I've been working out and, you know, my entire life really. And And I started on the T. C., Texas Christian University track team. It was the first year they'd had one for women, of Title IX. But I did that because, you know, ballet is such a discipline. And I didn't have a discipline, so, you know, I had to have one. And what was amazing is how many people I met just by going to track meets. You know, I mean, I was horrible. It was, there was, I learned how to come in last gracefully, which I often did, but still. You know, it, I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little humility. So, but even my husband, his father died of Alzheimer's at 73, think. So Tom is and at a minimum, his exercise and lifestyle took him an extra 10 years. You know what I'm saying? Because this, this probably, it started much earlier than you know, of course. But it probably started when he was around 80. But we noticed it when he was about 81, 82. That's, that's when the signs came. Mom was 80 we, we knew, we didn't realize how bad it was with her. In the book I talk about totally realizing it when we took her skydiving for her 80th birthday, because that's what my family does. Like, oh, let's go zipline. Okay. So we took her skydiving because it was on her bucket list. And we're all, it's mom and me, and then two of her grandkids behind me. And so, and if you, if you receive the book, the pictures in the book, the four of us. at the very front and mom's the little one. Anyway, so she's on the way up, you know, she's talking about how she was a Pan American flight attendant and now they, you know, these are little planes with benches. I'm like, well, this isn't Pan Am. So, so anyway, we are now at the door. And, they had told you in your, that, you know, to look out, don't look down, just look out. And so, what does Charlotte do? She looks down. And you can see, we didn't realize what had happened, because there was this kerfuffle all of a sudden. Then you look at the video, so mom looked down, and then she looks up again, and she's sort of like, What the am I doing up here jumping out of a plane? I mean she's totally forgotten What we were doing And the guy's trying to she's holding on for dear life, you know and the guy's trying to get her hands off the bars She, she leans down to, to grab a hold of the videographer. And when he did, he just took off, so she had to go. But it was hilarious. But it was, you know, just in that ten minutes, even though this is all for mom, you can bet that this girl, she looked straight out. No way I was looking down. But, yeah, I still remember that. And And I write about it in the book because you don't even realize, like, with dementia, it's a minute by minute life.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 44:25

Yeah

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 44:26

I sort of make fun of Tom because it's like, what's for dinner, then five minutes, like, what's for dinner? for dinner? for dinner? if I cook. Let's go to the freezer and see what I can put in the microwave. Something I've just learned to use, by the way.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 44:47

I think that's a great.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 44:48

is the key.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 44:49

Yeah, and I think it's a great lesson for life to just keep looking forward. Don't look down

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 44:53

Don't look down. Now

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 44:57

Chapter for your next book

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 44:58

Yeah, yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 45:01

and speaking of the book. What are your ten boomer commandments that you recommend for thriving later in life?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 45:09

Well, I can read them to you. First of all, you have to prioritize. What's important? Do you want to be the girl in the Armani dress? Having

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 45:20

don't want to be the girl period, but

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 45:22

ha ha ha! So you're a he him? Ha

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 45:26

yes,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 45:26

ha! I'm a

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 45:28

not that there's anything wrong with changing later in life. I don't want to offend anybody.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 45:33

you want to do. There's no judgment there. But you have to, you definitely have to prioritize. What's important to you. And what you can't do is like, And we were talking about this earlier. Judge people because they're not doing it the way you did it. You know, I mean it's fine to be nostalgic about the days when there were 10 cent stamps. And yes, now there's 70 cent stamps. But, you know, email. And talking about email, you have to embrace technology. You

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 46:09

Oh, yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 46:10

Whatever age, 80 years old, you've got to. In fact, I knew dad was waning when he quit, working with his iPad. I, I knew, I knew, knew he was leaving us because he just was no longer interested. It's called failure to thrive. And you have to be, you have to be curious. Yeah, you have to, as you said earlier, just look forward constantly, try and figure it out. I also say you should, you need to vote. The Elders, or seniors, are the largest percentage of voters, yet they get the least amount back from the elected politicians. And my favorite example is Social Security, 1935 I think it was, 1945 FDR started Social Security, we got Medicare. You know, that's 20 years, and Medicare was from Truman's everybody has health insurance, and Johnson, President Johnson finally got it passed because Kennedy had been trying prior to his assassination to get it passed. And what they did was cut it off at 65. So that's where Medicare comes from. then most recently, what it, what are we? 2024. What do we get? 10 drugs. are low their price is lowered for people over 65 for Medicare. Really? That's what the seniors have gotten from their government. There was a little help, 1. 5 billion, I think, during the pandemic, but why didn't we as elders get a why don't we get a tax credit? Hello? I'm sorry? The kids get a tax credit? You know, you have five kids, so you get What about Francis Reeves who, or my father or mother who gave back to their community, have lived a life? They should get a tax credit. We have, AARP hasn't even attacked that one yet. And, and there is no one place. There is no 501c3 for seniors. None. Zero. Zilch. But, You still have to mentor the younger generation. It keeps you young. I love my young friends. I have such a blast with them. And as you so aptly said, you've got to maintain a healthy lifestyle. You've got to keep your style. As I said earlier, I can't do those six inch heels anymore, but I take a deep breath and put those four inch ones on and get cute flats. I think you need to travel as much as your time and energy will allow. And you, I mean, I think it's nice to be able to stay at four seasons, but it's just as nice sometimes to camp out. And what you really have to do is laugh, especially at yourself. Are you looking at the clock? Is that what I see you doing?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 49:32

No, no, no. I'm not looking at the clock. No,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 49:35

Have

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 49:36

no, no, no. We got plenty of time here. That's all about aging well. We got plenty of time. If we do it right, we got plenty of time.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 49:44

I love the fact that you're confident of being 122. You know, that's part of the problem is we're, we're living longer before everybody's like, where did all this dementia come from? Well, it's because we're living longer, you know, it really nowadays doesn't hit until I really don't consider anyone old until they're 85. I

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 50:25

foods that were being fed, the fact that, you know, our environments are getting less and less healthy, we're not. You know, you talk about politicians needing to advocate for the older populations. It's like we're not building communities that are designed for social connection for healthy living, for activity, access to healthy food. I mean, you could become a senior and you start declining in physical capability. And, you know, when I was a kid, you could walk to a grocery store. You can't do that anymore. And so what are you going to do for food? And, you know, you start some of these packaging, you know, they I'm fairly strong for a 61 year old and I have trouble sometimes opening those those packages that have to zipper top it, you know, and get those open. I hate when my wife buys the blue frozen blueberries that have a little tab that you have to pull down in order to get the thing open in the first place. It's like, I can't do this. How can a senior who's having mental and physical difficulties be able to do this stuff? So they're just gonna. Grow it up and, you know, eat the little Debbie or something like that.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 51:32

or, or like, I don't know if you read Wirecutter magazine, but

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 51:37

No, I don't.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 51:38

always have, like, the best. They're sort of like the U. S. News and World Report of the best of this, right? And this one can opener, it was given to me as a gift. They said, oh my gosh, you're going to love it. I have never been able to open a can with it. I mean, I just go back to the other one. so, and I'm now, I mean, I know this is, But I'm now doing hand exercises because I'm in shock that I need hand exercises. But, you know, those piano players, they can't sit cold. Everything has to be exercised. And try to lift up that ring finger. Try to lift this finger up all by itself. It's really hard to do. The other ones, you know, The middle finger. We've been using that one forever.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 52:26

Still use it.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 52:27

it's it's easy. And the pinky and the thumb, but that ring finger, I have been working on that for a week and it, it doesn't come up. I mean, this hand barely does it. This hand does it a little bit more, but I mean, it sounds so silly, right? Exercise your hand, but yeah, dexterity matters. Do you exercise your hand?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 52:51

Not like that. I don't worry about raising my ring fingers. I do kind of work on grip kind of stuff and all that.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 52:57

Rubber

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 52:57

yeah, I don't work on the finger dexterity. I've never had great finger dexterity. Tried, you know, learning guitar when I was younger, just could not manage it. Couldn't play any musical instruments for so many reasons. Finger dexterity was never really one of my strong suits. So,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 53:14

My, my mom made us all try something musical. I was the ballerina. My sister was piano and organ. Of course, my brother was the baby of the family. So by the time he came along, she was like, vey, do we have to teach this stuff? He got a few guitar lessons. But my

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 53:34

school,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 53:34

play. Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 53:36

school, I, I tried, Band is a class and you know, God bless Mr. Yagel and I forget what his, he was a really famous big band performer and I'm forgetting what his real

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 53:50

right?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 53:50

was. Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 53:52

Oh, wow.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 53:52

And he, he had in my sister, she was three years older than me. He loved her as a student. And so I got B's in band just because he liked her so much. I was horrible. The first year I tried drums and, you know, my dad. God bless him too. Cause he, there were so many times I'd send him out to buy it, you know, get something for class or for wrestling or something like that. And he didn't have an understanding of really what was needed. And he got me these like practice drumsticks were like twice the size of your normal snare drum stick. And I had to play with those and Mr. Yagela would kind of make fun of those on a regular basis. But I had like no rhythm. And so the next year he put me on the tuba because there were three tubas and four people to play them. So I get instruction in class, but I could never perform in any of the school concerts or anything. And so I knew I had no talent for any of that. And my sisters all played musical instruments. Me? No. I was the, I was a jock in the family, I guess.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 54:53

you the only boy?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 54:54

I was the only boy, and my sisters will tell you that I was spoiled for that. And they failed to recognize that as the only male, I had You know, male chores to do. I had to do the garbage, mow the lawn, take care of the dog, and a few other chores like that. But I also had to do dishes, had to do laundry, had to clean my own room.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 55:14

Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 55:15

I mean, yeah, I wouldn't really call it girl stuff. I just, I feel like that's stuff everybody should be able to do. But my mom, you know, taught me, I knew how to sew. I mean, not on a sewing machine very well, but, you know, if I have to mend something, it's not gonna look pretty, but I can do it, you know, so I learned the skill sets that I needed to, to be independent, whether, you know, male skills or female skills, if you want to label it as such.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 55:39

Well, you know, on those around the world the ones that race around the world. The heaviest piece of equipment is a sewing machine because

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 55:48

really?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 55:49

to sew those sails back together again.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 55:51

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 55:52

they rip, who knew? It's, it's heavier than the toilet.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 55:56

Oh, wow.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 55:56

moved. It's toilet.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 56:02

Yeah. Well, I don't plan on sailing around the world anytime soon. Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 56:09

here you are a macho, a macho sales sale person, and then there you are underneath with a little pedal trying to get, you know, it's, you never know when you're going to need what, right? like typing skills. I fought my mother on taking typing class, but as it turns out computers are typewriters.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 56:28

I'm still a hunt and peck kind of guy.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 56:31

No, can talk to you and, and do the computer. Thank you, mom.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 56:37

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 56:37

And, you know, we were raised in the United States. So as a consequence, what you said earlier about how spoiled we were, people here don't even get it. They, you know, poverty is very different in India

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 56:53

Oh, yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 56:54

the United States. And no one here goes anywhere. I mean, today I talked to a man who also has a Ph. D. He was a professor, they called him Dr. Rock the University of Miami because as part of his class, I think it was, history one of his classes was the history of rock, you know, and the Beatles. We're the first white people to ever say, yeah, no, no, no. We, we like black music, you know? So, I mean, so he was Dr. Rock. He told me today he, his wife is Colombian. I actually married them because I'm a notary. And he told me today that when they went to Columbia, it was the first time he'd been South of the equator.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 57:41

Oh, wow.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 57:42

was like, I said, how did that happen, Paul? And he says, well, my last wife was Canadian. So we always went up to Canada. I said. Well, I mean, you could have gotten on a plane to go anywhere. And didn't you just go on a vacation together? I mean, it was, it was interesting to me. Because for me, getting on a plane and moving was what we did. You know, it's not like mom and dad said, are you kids going to be okay moving from Buenos Aires, which is at the very bottom of the world, halfway around to Singapore, which is in the top equator and top of the equator and a tropical country. be okay with that? They didn't say that. No. They said, we have to move. Oh, and where are we moving? Well, we're not sure yet, but we're moving because Peron had taken over Argentina again. so we moved.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 58:40

That was your father, a diplomat?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 58:42

Oh, wouldn't that have been nice? My father, God love him. He was what they called a doodle bugger. He went out looking for oil. I mean, Looking for oil. all of those places are in third world countries. And he was 6'2 or 6'3 and his oldest daughter, to whom you're speaking, grew up to be 5'10 and blonde. I help myself now, but in those days I didn't have to. And when we were in Benghazi, Libya, as a second grader, I was probably as tall as most of the people.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 59:22

Oh,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 59:23

So I always stood out. I remember, this is why I'm not crazy about Libya. There are other reasons, but this is one of them. They would throw cherry bombs at me. They would spit at me. They would there's a lot of sand, needless to say, you're right there at the Sahara. they would kick dirt in my face. If I was like in. In a sitting position, they'd just kick it in my face and I of course had no idea why but of course it was I was different. They didn't know if I was German, America, French. They didn't know they didn't care. I wasn't one of them It's pretty amazing

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:00:00

yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:00:04

So so coming back to you when I came back to Texas I went to school undergrad at Texas Christian and And there's a woman there, a professor who teaches dementia to her nursing students. And she has a man with vascular dementia as her co teacher. And so they can watch the progression. So I should introduce you all, but nevertheless I was, why was I telling you this story? I was in Libya. Oh,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:00:39

Travel.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:00:40

pardon?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:00:41

The travel piece.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:00:42

Yeah. When I came back to Texas Christian, well, first of all, they spoke funny in Texas. You can imagine. I'm like, I'm sorry. What is that? And then and so here I'd been in America and outside of the United States all my life. arrived at Texas Christian, a school I love and give to. they were the perfect school for me. I mean, I, I didn't know any of the traditions the United States. It was such a culture shock. And because I graduated from high school in Singapore, I spoke British English. you go into a store and ask for an eraser, but you say rubber, which was a

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:01:26

You get a very different thing in the U. S.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:01:31

little blonde, huh? Wonder what she does. So, yeah. So. So when I came to the United States, and I was also very surprised at how we treat our elders here. Even, even in college, I was surprised at that. I mean, like, my grandmother her last year, I think, was spent at an assisted living facility, but that was it. I mean, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, that was it. Other than that, she lived up at the, at the Biltmore in Tampa, Florida. And my, my parents. My father's grandmother died in their home. I mean, you know, they were a little bit younger. But nevertheless, and my, my maternal grandfather had a stroke while driving. But, but, I don't know. I sometimes, I kind of think that's, as long as you don't hurt anyone else. You know what I'm saying? I mean, Mimi, my grand, his wife Mimi talked about how right before he left, they had, he was going up to their farm in Cedar Rapids and he had a little Volkswagen and he just wanted to go, he wanted to drive it. They were living in Tampa at the time. And she said they had, you know, I mean, And you know, this is part of my book too, they had sex and just time together to experience each other is how she put it to me, but think My whole sex thing comes from that side of the family, cause, that grand, cause dad, dad had a lot of those kind of stories. But, but it was, I mean the way she talked about it, and I talk about it in my book, that, you know, it was, so even, he did die, but the last memory was a really good memory. And, and the same thing happened to mom and dad. We were, I was with mom and dad, we were in the nursing home. We'd always bring mom out from, you know, the craziness inside the nurse's station. And we'd all go into a corner and stuff, and dad would be there. And sometimes mom knew who everybody was, sometimes she didn't. It was so cute. She always knew who I was because I showed up a lot. But she'd ask me nicely. It'd be one of her grandkids or something. Who's that boy? That's your grandson, mom. I was with mom and dad, it was just the three of us, and I said, so, mom, who am I? She goes, all know who you are, Franny, you know, she's always that way with me. And then I asked her about dad, I said, who's that man over there? And she goes, she looked at dad, she says, him? That's the love of my life. And she died the week later, it was the last time we saw her alive. I mean, we saw her alive, but she couldn't speak the next time we saw her, because she'd had a stroke. But isn't that, I mean, isn't that a wonderful story? I mean, I, I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. And that's, that's how you need to think about your elders. When they're, every mom's day and dad's day, I hate him now. Cause I can't, call, I can't send a, and I hated it. I, you know, I hated it when they were alive because I show him appreciation every day? You know, I've got to go out and buy a 5 card and blah blah blah and call off, you know what I'm saying? Now, I mean, I, I hate myself for even saying that because, hello, it was an, it should have been an honor to do that.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:05:15

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:05:17

But we've, you've just lost your dad, right?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:05:20

just in January. But fortunately, we, we were able to connect with him and his wife. We went down to Palm Springs over the winter break, saw them about a week before he passed and no indication whatsoever that he was going to pass anytime soon. I mean, he was slowing down a little bit, had some, some health issues, but you know, his father, her. We went probably 20 years of him having heart attacks, He's like, Oh, Grandpa's not going to make it through this one. We got to go visit him and sure enough he'd pulled through and, okay, I heard this before. And, you know, I just keep going. And finally, you know, he was, well, I think he was in his nineties when he finally passed, but

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:06:03

And your father,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:06:04

my father was 86, I believe.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:06:09

oh,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:06:10

So, you know,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:06:11

kind of young,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:06:11

Yeah, it was on the young side. So it was a shock. And, you know, his wife called Sunday morning. And, you know, when it was her voice on the phone, it's like, I just figured he was in the hospital that, you know, he maybe had a heart attack or some kind of spell and was in the hospital, but it was like, you know, he passed in sleep last night and no indication. I mean, when he went to bed, it was like, nothing seemingly wrong. It just, Had heart attack or whatever in his sleep and passed. And, you know, we, we've gotten in the habit over the years. I would call both of my parents every Sunday, they were divorced. So I had two calls to make every Sunday or most Sundays. And, you know, we just got so used to doing that. And now with his, his wife was like, we're calling her every Sunday and every holiday now. And, and, you know, she looks forward to it and she actually talks a lot more than he would. All these years that I don't think we had a chance to get her on the phone and talk, but you know, she's as much a mother to me because they supported me when, you know, I was kind of struggling financially and some of that stuff. And as I was getting ready to go off to my PhD program and just trying to get some money together and all that. So, you know, I got to keep supporting her and just keep making those calls. So I look forward to it every Sunday with her.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:07:33

Yeah, yeah. It's a, it's a little different. I have two wonderful, wonderful stepdaughters, I was an, they were adults when I came into their life.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:07:44

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:07:45

I think, had just started college and the other one, year of college. So it was and, and, you know, there's a 15 year span between Tom and I. So, he so it's not like we call each other or anything like that, but, and he has three brothers and I have to say that brother number two has been, he's, he, University president. He was president of Montana and Old Dominion emeritus in both schools. Although he doesn't think a JD is a PhD.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:08:26

well, it's not a PhD, but

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:08:28

No, it's not as hard as a Ph. D. in economics. and he doesn't think my cousin's E. D. D. from Harvard is a Ph. D. either. So he's snobby about the Ph. D., but other than that, but he has been magnificent. I mean, he, he comes in, this is what I've noticed about my husband's family. They all come in. And, you know, sit with him 24, 48 hours, with the exception of the baby. He stayed five days. So he, he really knows what's going on. with the exception of the baby, who is 65 now, so, and, then, you know, let me know what they think, which is nice, but like his, his oldest daughter is coming in and taking him. to lunch as she's off to go meet a friend and so it's not like, it's not like when I showed up to be with mom and dad, I showed up to be with mom and dad. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I was present in their lives. I was having a birthday party for them or, you know, of course you've got to love happy hour at three o'clock in the afternoon. I mean, I love that. I talk about it in my book. And then we'd all go home and take a nap, and then I'd go back out. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So, but, so, you know, it's a different generation. And get it. I mean, you know, I'm the one here. So,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:10:09

yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:10:10

and I can't handle it anymore. I also say in my book that I was never going to be a caregiver. Ever. And, I mean, when all this happened, I have been for the last two years and I'm glad I have been because it's good for my business. I understand what people are talking about but if my husband had gotten long term care, as expensive as it is, I, I'm still a long term care person because in home care on a monthly basis is 12, 000 to 15, 000 a month.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:10:43

yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:10:44

I mean, and so if you're paying that a year for long term care, who's coming out ahead? Except you find the people who say, well, what if I never use it? Well, it's like car insurance, right? They're actually people who've never had an accident. Now, I feel sorry for them, but, but hey, you know, the same thing. You're just insuring in case, and that I think is a big part of aging well.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:11:10

yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:11:10

Do you want to go to a nursing home, or do you want to go to an assisted living center where, or do you want someone to come in and see you? You know, you have your options, and I've had clients who've chosen, you know, All you know, they've all done different things and two of my clients right now are in a nursing home In in one case we started her She she was living in a house and the house was falling down around her she'd run out of money because her daughter had taken the money from Trust that her husband had left her and then died from meth Okay, so we take her out of this falling down around her home sell the home You Put her into an assisted living facility, which, you know, she didn't want to go. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to go, but she went. And I had to pay personally the first four months because of the sale of the house. And, you know, every lawyer will tell you never do that. But I was kind of like, what else am I supposed to do? I mean, hello. And then, so she, she was in assisted living. And COVID came. Her caretaker got COVID and gave it to her. She went into the COVID wing, then into rehab. And I, you know, during COVID days, it was all online. Once a month, we got a drive by where we could go in our car with masks on. and wave to the people. I cried every time. This is a client. I'm crying this is, this is as close as we can get. Of course, you have to go through one to know how to do it the next time. So I'm not going to get down on our government about that. but then after COVID, we had to put her into memory care, which I don't suggest for anyone. Memory care is a nursing home that you pay 6, 000 a month for, sometimes more, but it makes the person putting them there feel better. You know what I'm saying? Like if your dad had dementia, well, he's in a, he's in memory care. It's less people. That's all it is. You still have the people yelling and screaming and having incontinence. And the smell of that was amazing to me sometimes. And I'm like, I'm paying 6, 000 a month for this? I don't think so. And we finally, she ran out of money and we moved her into the nursing home. But, so I've, luckily, I mean, I guess, one way of looking at it, the positive way. I got, I got to watch all that. make an informed decision personally being a part of it. I feel the same way about HIPAA. In fact, I'm writing an article for a peer reviewed journal. I think HIPAA is manslaughter for And here's why. had a client. Do you know, have you noticed this? Are you tired of me and my clients?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:14:27

no, you're a lawyer. You gotta have clients, right?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:14:30

I had this client. She's a lovely lady. Also had a PhD. She was a college professor. And she had long term care. So she had people who stayed with her. She had COPD. And was on some really high end pulmonary medication. And, you know, it was given at certain times. So then all of a sudden, and her, she had one living relative, a niece, who lived in Chicago, worked for Westinghouse. And Mary was her name. So, I, I'm called by the niece. I, I did a, a power of attorney, and healthcare. Surrogacy, where I was number two, because Denise was in Chicago, so if something had to get done, I could get there immediately. So Mary calls me and says, you know, I mean, Denise calls me and says, you know, Aunt Mary's in rehab, can you go up there and find out what's going on? And of course, up I go you know, she had some sort of fainting spell, blah, they send her to the hospital, hospital sends her to rehab, I have this whole article, well, it's in the book. what a, what a Medicare thing that is. But nevertheless, so she goes home and three days later she goes to another hospital. Oh, so she's in rehab. So I go to the rehab doc I say, here's her list of medications. This is what she needs to be on. and again, this, she has COPD, this pulmonary, you know, and it was high end, et cetera, et cetera. He goes, well, I already have her on her medication. I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand. Here's my health surrogacy. This is Denise, Denise is up in Chicago and if you need to talk to her, we can call her right now. Blah, blah, blah. Give it. No. No. No. Goes home. Three days later, she goes back to another hospital. better one than the first. That, that rehab. So now, I'm in the hospital, there's the nurse. Have my health surrogacy, her list of medications. Hey, here's her list of medications. Oh no, hipaa, you know, we can't do anything. We, it's all hipaa. I said, what are you talking about? I am her health surrogate. I'm a lawyer. I know what this is. And here's da da. They changed one of the medications. That's all they did. One, and I called her pulmonologist. finally, the head nurse calls me back and uses the same excuse, HIPAA. We can't do it because of HIPAA. so, which is, I can never, I should have had it out here so I could tell you what it is. The Health Insurance Portability Act. In other words, all your medical records, you're not allowed to ask about anybody's medical records. But, if the health target is there. And you have all the medicine. There's no HIPAA protection. You know what I'm saying? I

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:17:20

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:17:20

that I've done everything HIPAA has asked me to do here. The third hospital where her pulmonologist was okay Because she goes back home back to the hospital and and look I get it. I actually dated an ER doc in law school Who told me that these people came in and they were circling the drain and you kind of forgot about them because you knew they were going to die. Well, oh, well, isn't that nice? So once again, I show up, health surrogacy, all that pain and called the pulmonologist and they said, Oh, do you have that list? Oh, good. And guess what? died. And she died, really, from neglect. Now look, she was going to die, I understand that. But she was, her faculty, it's not like someone who is like this, you know. In a nursing home, barely able to hold their head up. We're talking about a woman who had a mind and, you know, and she wanted to live. And yet they decided that there was really no need for her to live. Not if she was on these high end pulmonary medications. they used hip as an excuse. I mean, I mean, I think we ought to go after him for it, but it doesn't matter. I can only take on one battle at a time.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:18:50

yes. Well, that's one of our soapboxes for this this season. Now is we're in our fourth season of the Aging Well podcast is to really kind of advocate for fixing health care because I believe in universal health care, but from the standpoint of we first have to advocate for universal health. And if we're not getting people healthy, we are spending trillions of dollars on treating. Diseases that could be

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:19:26

Avoid it.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:19:26

by just simply changing how we build and structure our communities What we teach in our schools and all that And then that leaves more Resources to treat the people that really need Care the most and especially those that are at the more final stages of their life

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:19:45

Right.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:19:46

But we don't want to, you know, as long as big pharmacies are big pharmacopharmacologists, pharmacy companies can you know, continue to charge tremendous amounts of money for drugs that are just basically keeping people going longer,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:20:03

Yep.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:20:04

then we're not going to fix anything.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:20:05

That's, I mean, I couldn't agree with you more. I could not agree with you more. And I, and I think it has to start, I live in, in a nice area of, of Miami. And by that, I mean, you actually have to come over a bridge and you have to pay tolls to get here. So, you know, it's, it's a more, it's a higher end community. And here, you know, I might be a little on the heavy side. And there's nothing wrong with my weight. I assure you, right? But then I cross the bridge and I get there and I'm like, Oh yeah, I forgot. Not, I mean here, it's a competition.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:20:41

Yeah. Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:20:43

well informed, you know. We're all there. taking our little exercise class and doing our walks and asking our doctors, are you really sure I need to be on this medication? You know, how, you know, we're informed. We have a college education for the most part. Some of in Miami, we have a lot of Latins. So some of them are a little, they pay a little bit more attention to their doctors than I do, but nevertheless. But then, you know, you go into basic middle class and those are the people that we really need to reach. I mean, no one needs to reach me. I'm already there. No one needs to reach you. You're already there. It's, it's the folks who think slurpees at 7 Eleven are lunch. you know, sometimes it is lunch, and, and whether they're white, or Latin, or black, and I don't know how blacks and Haitian are different, but they say they are here, I don't care. You can't be, what is it we call it when you're 30 pounds overweight obese medically obese. I love people who say, I'm only 30 pounds overweight. Well, that's medically obese.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:22:01

And that's like almost, you know, we're pushing toward, well, by the least a third of our population are in that condition. And about Two thirds, at least, maybe three quarters are what are considered to be overweight. Now, the overweight, I can get into all my arguments against BMI,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:22:19

Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:22:20

you know, it doesn't take much to look around the population and say, those numbers are fairly accurate.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:22:24

Yep.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:22:25

And again, it's not a matter of body shaming or, you know, any of that kind of stuff. It's a matter of, that's costing us billions of dollars and it's costing you billions of Days, years, decades off your life. So we got to address those things so that people are able to age well. And then when they age well, we're in a position to take care of them in those final days.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:22:48

Well, did you watch This Is Us?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:22:52

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:22:53

Okay. Six

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:22:54

I had to, it was Pittsburgh, you know, although they did a very poor job of really representing Pittsburgh there,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:23:00

forgot.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:23:00

than, you know, putting a terrible towel in almost every scene or wearing a Steeler jersey. I, I kind of grew up in the general area where it was supposed to take place. I spent a period of my life in Bethel Park where they were supposed to live and there was nothing Bethel Park there. I mean, they went out for pizza and the least they could have done is like mention they got pizza at Freddy's, which is like the classic pizza place there. But, and then, you know, they went to the hospital, which would have been Upper St. Clair Hospital. It was nothing like Upper St. Clair Hospital. And it's just like, this is frustrating.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:23:32

Well,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:23:32

the worst thing was that they said that they were getting soda. It's like nobody in Pittsburgh is going to get a soda. They're getting a pop.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:23:40

Oh, really? Oh,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:23:41

Yes.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:23:42

have. Oh, that's like the Colombians. And when they had that thing about the guy from Medellin the narc, the narcos group, what was his name? Remember the

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:23:52

Oh, yeah. Escobar.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:23:54

Escobar, Pablo Escobar when they had the thing here in Miami, all the Colombians were like, he has the wrong, he has the wrong accent. That's not the right accent. He's a paisano. That's not how the paisanos talk. It's so funny. Well, what would I was, what I was going to say about this is us is that really fat woman, the fat actress turned me off as much as I hated it. As much as I wanted. To like her. The fact that she wouldn't do anything. I mean she had that first husband and he lost all that weight And it's not you know, she had a beautiful voice and all this stuff. I mean it i'm i'm of course and their son, you know was sort of the redemption there, but but nevertheless I was like Okay, this is it it was the fact that She couldn't do anything about it, so upsetting to me, when all her examples could, including, you know, the first husband did lose the weight. You know what I'm saying? And then the second husband wasn't heavy. Is that really how it works in real life? I, I wasn't positive about that one, but who am I to say? You know, you're looking at an anorexic who, you know, I mean, I've certainly had my issues in life as well, who is now at a healthy weight and struggles to stay there. So

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:25:25

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:25:26

it.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:25:27

Yeah. I've had a lot of experience. Well, not a lot, but I mean, the experience that I've had with dealing with individuals with that level of obesity there, it's, it's interesting. The number of obstacles that many of us will take for granted that are kind of in the head that we think, Oh, come on, this is easy, but it gets really hard for someone. Like I had one woman I worked with and she had been a. Participant in a supplement study. It was a weight loss supplement study, which was a whole, I don't want to get into that one because that was a whole disaster was, you know, subpoenaed twice for it and all that kind of stuff. And got quoted in the New York times for the fact that we were the only research group that did legitimate research. And, you know, I've refused

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:26:16

Good for you.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:26:17

data in order, you know, they were going to threaten to sue me and all this other kind of stuff. But she'd gained 25 pounds in a six week study. So there was definitely disordered eating going in there. And when I had the opportunity to work with her in another capacity in the university, there were just some things like, She didn't know how to get on a bike, you know, because most of us will just kind of swing our leg up on the bike and get on, but for her and her weight and being female, she just didn't feel it. Lady like to be able to do that. And I said, well, can't you just kind of step on the little bar there at the base of the bike and just push yourself up? So I can do that. It's like, Of course you can. And it was just like barrier went down. And then she and her husband both wanted to lose weight. They had bikes, but they lived at the bottom of the hill. And she's like, Well, I'd love to be using the bikes, but we can't bike up the hill. I say, well, can you drive them up the hill to a place where you can bike? It's like, yeah, can we do that? I'm like, of course you can and it's just I don't think we treat the problems That individuals have we just look at it is okay Well, you know here we'll give you a medication and hopefully that'll help you or you know, well, it's just your dream Yeah, there's so much more in it, but we don't want to address that. We would rather just give people a pill and hope for the best. Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:27:35

in my anorexic days, which was my 1st marriage, I married my mother. so I, I had a man who was constantly. telling me what was wrong with me. You know, it was constant. So I think I got down to like 113 pounds and I'm between 135 and 140 now. But I went to a therapist and this woman saved my life. Her name is Teal Bennett. And I mean, what people don't understand, I mean, being a hundred pounds overweight or a hundred pounds underweight, versus underweight. I think it's almost the same issues, but it is a mental issue. I mean, it's, you have to treat the problem. that other person, like in this case, me with Teal, has to be invested. And it's not something that's going to take six months. I mean, it's going to take a couple of years. even after those two years, I, you know, I would go see someone every five or six years to sort of calibrate and, you know, during law school I was older when I went through law school and the same thing happened. You know, you don't feel adequate, oh my god. Can I pass this class? You know, all this stuff and, you know, you have to go get the help because once again, you know, when, when I'm in in 2022, when my whole life was imploding, eating. what I do. Other people start eating or keep eating. You know what I mean? It's, it's really, so it's And people don't realize, I mean, I totally agree with you that it's more than just the heaviness, but the, the fact that it was never really addressed in that show. I mean, she talked about wanting to lose weight, but it was never other than, you know, a little bit when she was in high school, blah, blah, blah. Well, I had that too. I was always a little chunkier in high school. So, and I guess it's because of my experience that I had such an issue with that.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:29:55

I think it was an opportunity missed to be able to educate

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:29:58

Mm

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:29:59

people,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:29:59

Yeah,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:30:00

the issues involved. Yeah. It just, it really ended up painting her as a bad person as opposed to a flawed person that really needed help. And, you know, the people around her not giving her the level of support that she really needed.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:30:15

right. Right, right, right. And being too heavy to have a baby. Well, I actually know some people who, one of them is too heavy to have a baby. So the other one's been the one who's been pregnant. And, and I do, I mean, I do think to=myself, and we don't address that. Why? You know? But I don't want a baby. I'm aging well. Thank you.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:30:48

Well, that brings me to the question we usually ask all of our guests. What are you doing to age well?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:30:54

Well, I walk about six miles every morning. I used to walk more. but I, I have bursitis and one of my walking partners said, well, Francis, why don't you take a mile off? You know, now I only walk six miles, but I didn't gain everything. It's that whole anorexic thing. Right. And now, but I didn't gain any weight or anything like that. I was a runner forever and ever and ever. then one day I couldn't run anymore. It was just, I was walking. So I was so nervous that I was going to be, you know, a balloon, but it turned out that wasn't the case at all. And then I take hormones, low dosage. I and I think. You know, someone said, Oh, you can get breast cancer. I said, yeah, but I'll look good. And so I get a mammogram every year. I have a physical every 12 to 15 months. I, I don't go to the doctor unless I need to. I work out, I do a weight class. This is what I do just, you know, so that, so that when I wave, it's not this far down, you know what I'm saying? There's, I mean, the problem with being thin is that, you know, the wrinkles show a little bit more. So the facelift is next, and I'm not against it, but what I really do is continue working. I mean, I'm constantly, I love what I do, and, and writing this book. With an achievement. I was really I'm very proud the book Proud that I did it and I didn't start it. So I was in I was 60. No, I was 64 I think because or 65. I just started Medicare

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:02

And speaking of the book where can the listeners and the viewers find the book? And again, you just flashed on there for the people that are just listening. She flashed a cover of the book boomers booming. Where is that available? How can they,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:17

the whole title. It's

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:18

why I don't, I can't remember the whole title. I'm, I'm 61. Yeah. I'm starting to lose a little bit of my faculties, but

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:24

Well,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:25

excuse me.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:25

it's both on Amazon and my website, which is

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:29

Okay.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:30

com.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:31

And we'll have those links put on the description notes.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:34

good, and,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:36

so you have,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:36

is actually Boomers Booming, How to Thrive After 65 Have Good Sex. Sex is chapter three. And it's,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:47

what's in chapter one?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:49

the chapter one is about being whoever you want to be.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:54

Okay, so that you can have good sex.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:56

So you can,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:33:56

That's,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:33:57

and sex is exercise. I mean that's, you know, we forget that, right? I mean, you don't want to give up the treadmill, but it keeps the immune system strong. It improves cognitive function. Women, it helps our bladder. it lowers the odds of prostate cancer. There's a lot of good things about sex, other than sex itself. Ha,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:34:22

there we go. And so do you have social media as well, or?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:34:25

I have Facebook and LinkedIn. I was sued on Instagram. So, after 77, 000 in legal fees, I don't use Instagram anymore.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:34:41

I don't use Instagram either, but.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:34:43

yeah. Well, here's what's amazing. They only recovered 7, 500 because they had no damages. But it cost me 77, 000 to defend the case and my time. Yeah, that was, that was also 2022

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:34:57

I'm assuming you don't do TikTok.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:35:00

I mean, you know, heaven forbid be spread out. just hit me

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:35:07

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:35:09

But it happens. And

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:35:10

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:35:11

I mean, I, I think it's important just like I look at you and I, what do you do to age Well,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:35:18

well, not enough as much as I'd like to. You know, I do weights pretty much on a daily basis. I'm doing a little bit more cardio because after I had my epigenetics test it revealed that

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:35:30

Tell me

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:35:31

it's,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:35:31

test.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:35:32

it's the how your genes are turned on or off relative to kind of lifestyle. Even, you know, Kind of prior family history or ancestry can also affect how genes are turned on and off but that That can enable us to better manage our bodies and you know, it can affect kind of the rate at which we're aging so my Aging rate right now At least at the time of that testing was about 0. 86. So i'm aging at a slower rate I like to get that number down a little bit lower But you know, I try and I've been walking more on a treadmill. I haven't really run just because I'm too heavy to run and I just don't like running anymore. But.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:36:15

you. I mean, I

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:36:15

Oh, yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:36:16

I was, you know, challenging myself for nothing. Wow.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:36:22

do a little bit more meditative work. I journal every morning. I've started doing it more in the evening. I do have a bedtime. My co host always Corbin always kind of mocks me for having a bedtime, but I try and get to bed at nine o'clock every night and get up about 4 30 every morning. So they have a really regular sleep pattern. I've been tracking. My sleep quality and heart rate variability and some of those things to see what quality of sleep I'm getting, manipulating things that I can do that a little bit more effectively. I try and read as much as possible. What's that?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:36:58

what's manipulating so you can get better quality of sleep?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:02

Well, you know, doing things like trying not to be on the computer right before bedtime,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:37:07

I see.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:08

turn the TV off, try not to watch any TV past about 8 30. We're trying to eat dinner a little bit earlier in the day. You know, I'm not adverse to consuming alcohol. And so I'm trying to moderate that a little bit in, in terms of the frequency. I mean, I never drink more than a drink or two at a time.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:37:27

Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:28

you know, since college, I mean, I've never had an issue with drinking too much,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:37:32

Same.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:33

but you know, just that, that can still disrupt your sleep a little bit.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:37:37

I know.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:37

And so you don't get the same quality of sleep. You might sleep, but you don't get the good quality of sleep. And, you know, so I'm just doing the things like that. Keeping the room dark, keeping it a little bit cooler. You know, what am I doing before?

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:37:49

on all this? Is she,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:37:51

Yeah, she does pretty good. She, she stays up later than I do, but she also sleeps a little bit later. That's why I have to get up at four 30 so that I can work out so that she can get up and work out.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:38:00

Oh, I

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:38:00

Yeah, so yeah, we have a 16 year old and 19 year old. So that kind of keeps me a little bit younger too,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:38:05

Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:38:06

but yeah, I just try and do everything that we preach doing on the podcast. And I keep learning more and more. As I have more guests on and so

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:38:16

from me?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:38:17

well, I'm learning that I, my wife and I do need to follow up on getting our estate plan Updated because we did it in Michigan and we really haven't updated it for you know 16 years and we've been kind of on ourselves about getting that done.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:38:34

Well, my An attorney.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:38:37

so yeah, so we What have I learned? I've learned, you know, just I I don't think I know I can't say I've learned a lot You and not that's not a downside to you. It's like, I think, you know, I've been paying attention to more of these things. Yeah. And so I'm, I'm learning that I really need to bring these topics to the forefront a lot more so that our listeners are getting the information that they need to be able to make the right choices and to age well.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:39:08

And aging well is, you know, it's two fronts. It's physical and mental. Having peace of mind of an estate plan is mental.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:39:18

Mm hmm.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:39:19

all right, if I try, at 80, there was mom skydiving. Had she died, there wouldn't have been any issues. The will was done, everything was fine.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:39:28

Yeah, well, we speak often of what I call well centered fitness. My friend, Jay, he'll appreciate the shout out because he's one of my few listeners that listens to every episode. He, he recognized that I always speak to it as spiritual, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social. So he's like, Oh, it's spies. Do you, you know, do you intentionally call it spies? So we can just keep it on the short, call it spies. But to me, that is all the things that we need to really be doing to age well. It's not just, you know, the physical, the intellectual, and even social. You've got to have the emotional part in there, keeping that in store. But also, you know, the spiritual. And I'm launching a new podcast. Actually, it'll have been launched by the time that this airs

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:40:15

up.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:40:15

January. Yeah, so we're doing one. It's going to be called We Have a Spiritual Problem and addressing just how all of the issues that we face as a society really come down to spiritual issues. And it's not from the religious perspective per se. It's, it's more of how do we interact with other people? How do we see ourselves as part of something bigger than ourselves? And I think, you know, that's a lot of what you've talked about here today is that we have an issue in this country where we don't. Look to the elderly as somebody important, you know, because yeah, and that's a spiritual problem And so kind of looking at that as well So i'm hoping that that second podcast takes off pretty well as well. And this is now giving a plug to that

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:41:04

well, I think also it's a good podcast to have right now because I mean, I'm, I'm a believer in world peace. in my, wherever I can create it. In other words, there is nothing I can do about what's going on in Great Britain who the next President of the United States is, and how his tenure is going to be. I mean, people flap about it, but what can you do? You voted, and that's all you can do. I can create world peace by voting. Not complaining when I'm in the office and Tom shouts out, Can you please come, where are my glasses? I can't find my glasses. Or, where's my phone? I can't find my phone. He can never find any of those things. know, and, or as, as the person who taught me this lesson said, I come home it's been a horrible day at the office, because he's a rabbi. it was a horrible day at the office. We had all these issues. And all the, and there's four kids at home. The wife's in bed. The dishes are everywhere. In the, in the kitchen. So I did the dishes and put them away. And that's world peace because the next day You know, my wife's going to be grateful that I did the dishes. it's such a little thing, but it's, it's like, all that. Remember when Biafra, all these places were starving and all these singers would get together and have a world peace song, and then all the money went to whatever we were singing about at the time, which I thought was a wonderful thing to do, but on the other hand, but, and as a consequence. talked about just light one little candle and I'm a big believer in that. I mean, I mean, stop me when I'm walking and ask me for legal advice. Cause I know I, I write articles locally. So everybody knows, you know, I do it for clients, of course. But and I want, what do I want to say? You should call me and pay for it. But I don't, no, let me help you interrupt my walk. You know, don't worry about me. So, but, but it's what you have to do. I mean, it's, it's, I call it the high road. I talk about that in the book as well. And the high road has no elevator. You have to climb every one of those steps all by yourself. And the minute you get down again, there you are, climbing the high road. And, you know, you in shape, but there is a reason the road less traveled sold more copies than the Bible.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:43:57

Well climbing the stairs to the high road, you know that keeps us well spiritually physically intellectually emotionally and socially So

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:44:05

I

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:44:06

maybe we'll have to add that to another pillar of aging. Well

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:44:09

I really like that. The spies. you. I'm gonna use it.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:44:14

Oh, you're welcome too. And Jay will appreciate it.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:44:17

What's Jay's last name?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:44:19

Bernhard.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:44:21

I will quote Jay. Okay. I just did an article John Lennon is credited with saying life is what happens when you're making other plans, but whenever you look it up, there's also another guy who's also credited with it. So I'm like, always put it parenthetically just because, hey, fair's fair.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:44:45

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:44:48

is funny. I'm sure you love this too, especially because you're always, I mean, I can tell that you're, you're someone who's curious, right? A great way to age well, one of the commandments. How, how easy it is. I mean, when I went to law school, we had these libraries, and you had to take out the book, you had to look up. Now, when I was, when I was doing this book, Google! Hi! Hi, little Google. I mean, I found out that Abraham is the father of everybody. Who knew? 25 chapters in the Quran. The Christians call him our leader in faith. And he made the covenant with the Jews to connect them to God. All one man. about an elder who was busy.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:45:35

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:45:36

And Churchill. And Bill Miller. I mean, it was like, this is so It was so much fun, I mean, finding out about Aretha Franklin. I mean, Prince wasn't old enough to be an elder, but they're still working on his estate, and he had no copyrights. If you go to the Minneapolis airport, there are all these things which Prince's estate, I mean, would, you'd be, it's like embarrassed. I'm trying, I speak Spanish also, so I, the words are coming to me in Spanish, but. You'd be so embarrassed to see yourself portrayed that way.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:46:16

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:46:17

he had no copyrights or licensing, just one day when you're making a flight across the nation, just stop in Minneapolis and see what they have for friends.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:46:29

Yeah. I don't think I've been through Minneapolis in a while.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:46:31

Yeah, well now's not the time to go. August, perhaps. I like Minneapolis. I've been there. Have you been to Minneapolis?

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:46:43

I think I've just been through the airport. I mean, and

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:46:46

that's not fair. Yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:46:47

in Wisconsin, I've pretty much been in like Madison, primarily about the only area that had been in Wisconsin.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:46:54

Mm hmm. I'm trying to do all 50 states. I have four left. I have to spend one night in each one.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:47:01

Oh, if I have to spend nights, I haven't been in all the states, but I've driven through almost every state.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:47:06

Yeah. Oh, there you

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:47:08

Yeah, a

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:47:09

I've

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:47:10

lot of driving, a lot of driving.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:47:13

Well,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:47:13

drove from Toledo, Ohio when I was doing my PhD to Dallas, Texas for a wedding, left it in a class I was teaching. I left Thursday right after class, which would have been right afternoon, drove straight in 20 plus hours into Dallas. Got there, got there in the morning slept for a few hours, had the rehearsal dinner, Wedding on Saturday, drove back on Sunday, taught my class on Monday. And I think the marriage didn't last any longer than that trip.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:47:49

Oh my god.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:47:51

Yeah. So it was, it was a lot of driving.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:47:54

Wow. And you went through a lot of states. Yeah. husband once upon a time tried to take me on a driving thing. I'm just, I'm so not that person.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:48:06

my wife's a flyer, I'm a driver. I'd rather have control. I'd rather be able to stop and eat where I want to eat, go to the bathroom when I need to go to the bathroom. And you know, just if I see something kind of cool to see, I'm going to see it. Yeah. So

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:48:19

yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:48:20

what a road trip.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:48:21

more, I'm, get me there as soon as possible.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:48:25

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:48:25

I'll go

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:48:26

Well, that's how I drive. It's getting me there as soon as possible, but I'm willing to stop a little bit along the way. Yeah, I could just make more stops along the way.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:48:38

I'm, I, I like my nephew is a pilot. he lives in Phoenix. And my sister and I were visiting him. She lives in Tucson,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:48:49

It's where my stepmother is.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:48:50

Oh, really? In Tucson? Yeah, that's, that's a nice area. I, I like how they think they're cooler at 114 degrees versus 116. Oh, oh, well, good reason to live in Tucson. But he drove us to flew us to Sedona in his, he had a little four seater plane and he drove us to Sedona. And that was beautiful because From that, you know, you see all that red rock, et cetera, et cetera. And so the cousins on my father's side, cousins all got together in Sedona. When did you see the, Grand Canyon? I think everybody should go to all those parks. It's, another way to age well. See what age does to you. I mean, that what's the name of that park where you can't believe that erosion Well, first of all, the Grand Canyon is too big to see.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:49:47

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:49:48

I mean, hello. It doesn't matter where you are. You're not going to see it all. You, you, you know, you have to take the helicopter ride then all the different layers and I mean, it's really, it's pretty amazing that this, this happened now, I'm not a creationist thinker. So this happened through erosion and, you know, and I know not everybody believes that, but it is, it is pretty amazing.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:50:14

Yeah.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:50:16

And,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:50:17

to see in this country.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:50:19

and the world.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:50:20

Yeah,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:50:21

person. I've been to Victoria, the other every old person should go to the one in Brazil. It's so cool. Really. But

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:50:32

I'll have to get there.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:50:35

We're talking about traveling.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:50:38

Well, Francis, before we wrap up, how do you see the future of aging evolving? And what role do you hope your work plays in shaping that vision? I'm right on the end. Mm hmm.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:50:50

Well, as I told you, I'm a boomer, I think you are too. Yeah. And I think because we are the sex, drugs, and rock and roll group, it's up to us to require any institution to make sure that we age well. And I think, believe it or not, in Miami, we, I see a little bit of change in the culture. And by that I mean. medicine attacking geriatrics or gerontology because everybody is old. I mean, the Gen Z just took over boomers in population. we had boomers and Gen Z, we had two generations. We had X millennials. So everybody's older. And I think medicine is really taking a look at it. I think, as I told you earlier, I think Dr. O'Gronan with attacking attacking the dementia as individualized and having a wellness center versus a dementia center, you know what I'm saying? That type of thinking at the same place, this area is called Miami Jewish Health here in In the Miami area the chief medical officer for the rehab Sean Corbett Is also integrating rehab as, as with dementia because often the same thing is happening at the same time. And the fact that finally somebody's paying attention to it. And now Miami Jewish is also, they're, they're on this 40 acre campus. So they're also changing and, look, I'm on the steering committee. Thank you. for Dr. O'Groenen because of my work here in Miami, but I'm only, I'm excited about it because people at a minimum are talking about it. You know, we used to talk about dementia like this. have dementia. Now we're not. We're talking about like they have dementia. Now what can we do? And there comes a point, and this is one area where I think aging well really needs to focus. is at this age, at 70, being of sound mind and body, I can say that the day I don't recognize my stepdaughter or the day I don't recognize my dog or whatever, I want to, I want my life to end. done. I don't want to sit like one of my clients is in a fetal position in a nursing home doing nothing but sleeping and it costs her 12, 000 a month. I don't want that. We have to stop that. And I know it's a difficult decision. know, in Oregon, of course, you can you can kill yourself, but only if you're of sound mind and body. You can't say now when when I, if I have dementia or Alzheimer's and two doctors have said, my life is going to get no better and I'm not going to remember, I want myself killed. you remember the movie Soylent Green with

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:54:30

I don't know if I've ever seen it, but I know of the movie. I

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:54:34

me a little of that, but except they don't have to make us into food. You know, just little charcoal. I'll be fine. But I mean, I think, I think we really have to look at that head on. I mean, I, I see Margaret Another person that, another client that's in nursing home now. I go see her once a month, but honestly I, I can't charge her anymore because she doesn't have any money. know what I'm saying? I'm just doing it because it's what you should do. I, I go see everybody at the same time and Margaret is there as well. And so, so it's, it's not right to just watch someone wither away, which is what I'm doing with Margaret. She went in at 160 pounds, now she's 120. And, you know, they try and give her Insure, and I'm like, why? Why? And even Dr. O'Groenen, I have said to him, all these dementia medications that they're working on, so to what is it, to slow down the process. Well, I don't want to slow down the process. It's horrible. I mean, I've watched a man who was the CEO of his company, a company he built oops, a company he built. And he has to ask me for help to get up from the couch. He can still remember me, that's the bad news. Because now I'm going to have to face the three months when I put him into a place where he's calling me horrible, horrible names. And I understand that's going to happen. doesn't matter when I do it. that's also something else you have to endure. And it's because they're angry, they want their old life back, but they can't have it back. I mean, and, and, but at least we're talking about it now. And we're talking about it in a raised voice. So, what, what do you think they're doing in Oregon? I know you sound as though you're very into it. But,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:56:42

don't think they're doing enough and we just passed a change in the Constitution that basically states that everybody has the right to universal health care. Adequate definition of what that really means and certainly how we're going to pay for it. And so, you know, I'm hoping that, you know, just through what I can do as a college professor, educating many of my students to. Advocate for themselves, for their parents, for their grandparents and try and make changes in health care so that we can afford to care for the people that need to care in the end and that we're avoiding as much of this decline in quality of life as we can just through healthy living and creating environments that people are actually going to be able to to live well.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:57:37

Right. Well, you know, it's funny you'd say that. I'm, I'm going to go back to sex one more time because in, in the sex chapter, I also talk about that there is this one little itsy bitsy warning I have to give you about sex and that's that you have to be in shape because if you're not, it's a much bigger problem. and and I discuss how if there's someone you want to have sex with, why don't you try walking with them? Then you get to know each other, you know, friends are created through that time together I mean, I i'm always and it doesn't matter whether you're 50 60 70 whether you're 20 Of course, I can't stay up all night. So it matters to me if they're 20, but nevertheless you know if you're 80 or thought you couldn't do it anymore or whatever why not try it? It's it's another part of moving forward. I mean it really is and and You You know, it makes you, if you're not fit, you're going to be in big trouble. My favorite cardiologist here at University of Miami, Dr. Hare, talks about it's so good for the heart. Oh, who knew? He's a Hopkins doc, but they recruited him down to Miami. So, but yeah.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:58:54

You're reminding me of a story. One of my kind of last stories with my grandmother where we were visiting her once this is after my grandfather had passed and I think it was my dad asked her if she was still walking with this guy in her community and she said no I had to stop walking with him and just the way she said it was like what was he hitting on you and I was just kind of joking and she's like well as a matter of fact he was It's

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:59:18

Yeah, yeah, no,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:59:21

So it's like, oh, I guess that, you know, fancy gym suit you're wearing was too much of a turn on for him. So, well, we'll have to wrap it up here on a note of the importance of safe sex and safe sex when you're older being, you know, being healthy enough to have sex. And this was just a great conversation. I think we could keep going.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:59:45

Well,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 1:59:45

but I think we've been on for a couple hours now and this is going to be one of our longer episodes. So this might be somebody's entire week of commuting to listen to this one, but we hope that they will listen to the end and that our listeners and our viewers will.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 1:59:58

you? I want to find you.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:00:02

The podcast is available on almost anywhere where you get podcasts. Apple podcast seems to be our primary site for the audio version. And then we're also on YouTube and we are on Spotify. So Spotify makes it available both audio and visual. So

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:00:21

I love Spotify. I'm, I'm in shock. It was like I My exercise, I have a very tight knit exercise group. We have a great teacher, and we all have a lot of fun together. It's, I've done a lot of these classes, but we got together to drink, to eat, drink, and be merry since we work out so much. And I was a DJ because I had Spotify.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:00:47

there you go.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:00:48

I mean, it was like, and then, you know, it's also a very Latin community. And so you can look up all the great Latin songs too. I'm just like, I love this life. Who knew? I love Spotify.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:01:01

Yeah, we don't,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:01:02

I didn't know I could see that you could, that they had visual as well. Although

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:01:08

that's relatively new. That's something that just in the last few months, I think that they, they started kind of addressing Spotify for podcasters and they've opened it up where you can have a video. You can upload the video and then they will just play the audio if somebody wants to listen to the audio or they'll you know, play the video. You can actually watch the video and I'm not sure what other population actually watch, you know, podcasts and what it seems like the older population tend to just listen to them.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:01:41

yeah,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:01:42

younger are starting to watch them a lot more. So. You

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:01:47

Hello, I would have worn something totally different.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:01:50

look fine for this. So,

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:01:53

I know, but there weren't enough. You know, I, I didn't do enough screaming and yelling.

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:01:59

oh, I'm sure you did enough.

h--frances-reaves_1_11-30-2024_103109: 2:02:03

Well, thank you so much for having me on. And,

jeff_1_11-30-2024_073109: 2:02:06

it was my pleasure and just keep doing what you're doing to advocate and to educate and keep aging. Well,

2:02:13

Thank you for listening. I hope you benefited from today's podcast and until next time, keep aging well.