Episode 189: Aging Well into the Sunshine with Passion, Purpose, and Passion w/ Niamh McAnally & Gary Krieger

In this podcast episode, we explore the vibrant journey of aging with passion and purpose through the inspiring stories of Niamh McAnally and Gary Krieger. Niamh fulfills her dream of writing while sailing, and Gary’s transformative experiences with spiritual psychology and travel. Discover their insights on living well, emphasizing mindfulness, gratitude, and the power of a supportive partnership. We delve into unique ways to age healthily, including laughter yoga and the scientifically-backed benefits of regular sauna sessions. Additionally, learn the importance of a healthy diet, physical activity, and loving relationships. Perfect for anyone entering the 'third age' seeking inspiration to lead a longer, healthier, and happier life as we... age well.

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Transcript

0:05

This is a first on the AGL Podcast. Niamh McAnally was recently on the podcast and her story was only half told in episode 182. We had to bring on her significant other, Gary Krieger, to get, and my apologies to the late Paul Harvey, the rest of the story. I have titled this episode Aging Well into the Sunshine with Passion, Purpose, and Passion, one because Following Sunshine is the title of Nieves most recent book, and second with the word passion repeated because it is a story about living with passion and finding passion. We travel deeper into their shared journey of living with passion and purpose, exploring what it means to age well while embracing life's adventures. From personal stories of growth and discovery to tips for staying present and engaged, this conversation promises to inspire you to find your own sunshine and live with intention as you seek to age well.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 0:57

Who wants to begin the story? Well, first welcome Gary. Thank you both for joining us today, but who would like to start?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:03

That's a good question. Do you want to start? All right. So where do we last leave off with my story? I think it was when I chose to volunteer for a solo sailor to bring his boat from Florida to the Bahamas, and it was only supposed to last a month. And apparently he's still here. Or I'm still here. So we got on the boat and as I was starting to tell you in the last episode is that I stayed on the boat more than a month. And we sailed all the way down through the bottom of the Bahamas. And then after that, we then looked at bringing the boat back to America. He went back to California and then he went to visit his family and then I went to Ireland. That was the plan. And then right before I was going to Ireland, he calls up and he says, would you like to go up the East coast of America in the sailboat with me? And I was like, yeah, where are you off to? And he goes, New Jersey. And I said, what's in New Jersey? And he goes, Newark. And you know, a pretty not a great nonstop flight all the way to Ireland. I said, Oh, you're coming with me. So that, that's what that happened. You could tell from there, can't you? Well, I can, you know, Jeff, what happened really was well, I'll give you a little backstory for me. I came out of a long term marriage. In the process, one of my sons had gone to a graduate program in spiritual psychology out in Santa Monica, and he made some really transformative changes in his life as a result of this program. It was a master's degree in spiritual psychology. And about halfway through the program kept saying, Dad, you've got to go to this thing. It's an amazing program and you'll really enjoy it. And so he actually convinced me to go. And I actually, convinced my daughter and the two of us went together. And we spent two years going to this program. It was weekends and residential program during the summer. And then as a result of all that, My marriage was called into question. I tried working on salvaging the marriage. it just wasn't working. And ultimately we got divorced. But having had the background of this program, it was like, It's time to live life. It's time to move forward. It's time to bring joy back into my life. And, you know, I'd always had certain diversions and interests that I liked you know, for a while I played tennis, for a while I played racquetball, I used to run you know, a few miles four or five days a week. I got into pottery and sculpture. I did stained glass. So I'd always had a lot of other activities and in my life to keep me busy at the end of this program, it was like. What do I want to do now? Well, I want to travel. I want to explore. And I want to learn more about the world. I want to learn more about who I am really. and move forward with a lot of joy and happiness and love in my life. And so, that's what I started doing. I started traveling and I traveled alone. I spent three months in China studying pottery. I went to Thailand and Laos and, and Myanmar Then after that I came home, I spent some time with the kids and the grandkids, and then I spent three months down in Central America moving around explored a lot of different countries down in Central America. I came back home again and then got involved with a volunteer project with one of my fellow students from USM the grad program. she was doing a project in Peru, way up in the Andes Mountains for an ancient tribe of Quero people. These people had no running water at their huts and they lived very primitively. They were up at an altitude of about 14, 000 feet. Rocky, rugged harsh terrain, very cold and they were herders. They herded llama and alpaca and vicuña, and they lived in these little huts that were stone up to about mid chest high, and then a thatched roof on top, and dirt floors. And their beds were skins from the animals. Piled up onto each other. but the water that they drank was from a spring that was about 500 feet up the mountain. So every day, the men had to take jugs on their shoulders, Climb this mountain, get to the artesian well, and the stream, and fill the jugs, carry them back down, and each family had to do this in order to have enough water for the day. So, my friend who organized this put it together and had it engineered, It was started before we got there, but we worked on it for a week and, help them dig trenches build a cistern and lay pipe from the cistern all the way out to all of the various huts. And at the end of the project, the beautiful thing was every family had. Running water from a spigot at their individual huts which was amazing. so that was sort of the start of all of my travels. And from there I spent another two and a half months in South America. Touring around in the Amazon and then Argentina and Brazil and Bolivia and just had an amazing time. I loved exploring and having these great experiences and meeting new people. when I came back I had spent some summers up in northern Michigan with one of my sons who lives up there and his family. they were avid boaters. But they had access to a sailboat. And we did a lot of sailing that summer and actually for a couple summers in a row. And at the end of the second or third summer, I said, you know, I love this sailing. I want to know how to do this because Up to that point, it was just pull this line or, move this thing. And I had no clue what I was doing. I just was having a good time being on a sailboat. And one of the women who was sailing with us had been a former sailing instructor. She said, you know, one of the best sailing schools in the country is out in San Diego. So when you go home, call them up and get yourself enrolled in some sailing school classes and, learn how to sail. And I did. And I thought, gee, what a romantic idea to buy a sailboat and maybe go off into these beautiful blue waters and explore and, you know, what a great life that would be. And whether it was naive or foolish or brave or adventurous, I'm not quite sure, maybe a combination of all of those things. But that's exactly what I did. I took a series of classes. I did hundreds of hours of research on boats what I wanted, what I didn't want. I went through every list from every guru in the sailing world on what boats they recommended for, you know, coastal cruising or day cruising or blue water boats out in the ocean. And I kept narrowing it down saying, no, I like this. I don't like that feature. I, you know, I don't want a lot of wood because I don't want to spend a lot of time being a slave to, you know, varnishing wood and sanding it and keeping it up. And I narrowed down and I ended up focusing in on a boat, purchased one in Florida which was really where I wanted my sailing adventures to be. As opposed to the West Coast, where I grew up. And that's a simple reason too. California's cold. the ocean is cold. And there aren't a lot of places to go as a boater. They're all very long distances. Whereas from Florida you have tons of places to go up and down the east coast, around Florida, into the Bahamas, and then if you want to jump down to the Caribbean, you can make that jump as well. And most of it you can do with day sails island hopping and whatnot. Some overnights, but as a rule, you can do day sails. And anyway, that was my idea, my dream. And I started off as a solo sailor and learned a lot, made a lot of mistakes had a great time doing it for the most part. And then as Niamh probably told you earlier. Ari was looking for crew to get to the Bahamas and one of my other sailor friends, who was a solo sailor, said, You know, when I look for crew, I go to this website, which turned out to be the same website that she had used for finding all of her volunteer projects around the world. And she responded. So, I had a ton of responses, actually. But there we go. Something attracted me to her and her knowledge and her experience and her background. Yeah. You weren't attracted to me. It was you were attracted to the fact that I was a scuba instructor and he thought I would teach him how to scuba dive. That's really why you picked me. Right? Well, that was definitely one of the reasons. And then I refused to teach him how to scuba dive because I said, no, that's like a husband teaching the wife how to drive a car or vice versa. So that doesn't sound good to me at all.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 10:24

Pam and I on our honeymoon we went to, we did I think it was like a five day kayaking of Glacier Bay up in Alaska and we had never tandem kayaked together before and we are very different when it comes to that aspect. Like when I go kayaking, it's a, I want the physical aspect You know, and I'm just like, get there as quick as possible, put as much energy into it. And she's all like, Oh, look at the plants, look at the animals, look at the houses. We just were not in sync paddling for the longest time. And she thought for sure the marriage was going to end before the honeymoon did. But we managed and we, we've just kind of learned that tandem kayaking is not for us. That we need to kayak individually and enjoy what we do. what we get out of it. So, this is why you guys are on this podcast for, the second time and Gary for the first time is because I think you both have such inspirational life stories and the fact that they come together the way that they come together is just fascinating to me. And I think it's a huge story in terms of really, Inspiring people to age well and so Niaf has already shared a bit of the inspiration behind her book following this following sunshine Gary, how has your own life journey complemented or influenced? Niaf's journey and the writing of following sunshine

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 12:24

When we were on the boat initially, the first couple months we were together we got to know each other quite well because, as you probably heard before, when you're on a boat and you're out in the Bahamas or someplace that's away from populated areas, you really have practically no cell service, no internet. And the only thing really to do is to be together, to talk, to visit, to get to know each other. And that's what we did. And so we, we talked a lot. We talked about every, every subject imaginable. And Niaf told me that she had always loved to write. And eventually she showed me one of her short stories. Well, I read the story, and I was so impressed with the quality of her writing, and the imagery that I could see in my mind as I read it, and the way the story unfolded, that I said, this is your thing, you've, you've got to be a writer. And she started writing. I think that's, I think I was helpful in, in getting her going again and writing seriously for the first time. You know, I think the fact that we were on the boat, that there was time. for her to actually sit and work at the, at the computer and put a story on paper, as opposed to working a nine to five job or a, you know, a 16 hour a day job as she was doing when she worked managing the hotels. This gave her time and the space and the freedom to I would say that the environment in which to go ahead and be creative and, and start to write seriously. So that's, Oh yeah. If we were back in like Michelangelo's day or one of the great artists, Gary would definitely be my patron in terms of, Do you know what I mean? He really was the one who said, you've got to do this full time. This is definitely what you need to be doing. and in fairness to him, you talked about space, you know, you gave me the space to write. There's not a lot of space in a 40 foot boat between everything else you've got to do. And the one thing we had in the forward cabin was the bed, which Technically they say it's a queen bed. I think that's a complete joke. It's like, you know, that two man tent that sleeps like a cat. so the bed was like maybe double at the head and then it tapered down into a single almost at the feet, cause it was in the bow of the boat, right? It curved in. which was my side of the bed, by the way. So what he did every morning, which was phenomenal, was he would make sure the bed was made and anybody who's lived on a boat will tell you that the four, our side of the three sides of the boat are side. Three sides of the bed are captured by the hull of the boat. So it's like trying to make a bed in an RV or, you know, one of those tiny spaces. And so he would do that every morning, climb over this mattress, try and lift it. And, oh, it was just, it was a nightmare, but anyway, he would do that every morning so that I had that one flat space in which to work. And that made all the difference, doesn't it? You know? And so. that started it out for me and then, you know, when I had time, I would all the time actually be sitting there and writing in between Galley Slave and Deck Slave and every other slavery job I had to do on that boat. I'm only joking. well done.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 15:48

it speaks a lot to how we can really strengthen relationships by putting away the electronics, you know, turning off the Internet, turning off the cell phone and giving one another. Not necessarily the physical space, but the figurative space that we need to be creative and to do what our heart's calling us to do. I think

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 16:11

Sure.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 16:12

cool.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 16:13

Yeah.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 16:13

your stories.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 16:15

Thank you. And that's finally, how he ended up. I go back to my patron. He's not my business manager as well, but that's actually because I started on the boat. That's why I became the writer on the water. You know, that's where our brand came from as well. And now he's the business manager of the writer on the waters.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 16:32

And this episode is all about kind of exploration of passion and purpose. So how have you both developed that? Discovered and nurtured these elements in your lives, especially as you grow older, and you've touched on this a little bit, but maybe we zero in on how passion and purpose have evolved in your lives as you've grown older, as you've grown together, and as you've just grown individually as well.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 16:57

That's a great question. And I think for me anyway the thing I think I talked to you about before was I always wanted to work at sea and I've always been a writer. So marrying those two passions while I was on the sailboat was amazing, but that became what was a six year chapter of our lives. So we're now back on, we've got one foot on land and one foot on the water. And now what we've been able to do is we made this decision a while back. I think it was a New Year's one year where we said, I was going to work half time instead of working full time. And as it turns out, now we're actually both working full time on the writing. But what we are now, we both come together to be guest speakers on celebrity cruises and that we've got this amazing opportunity now where we're spending time together where I'm working on, you know, talking to people about our books and we're talking about volunteer travel, how our story came together. And we're still on the water, but another captain has to worry about the weather. There's somebody else galley slave. There's somebody else doing deck duties. There's somebody coming in and making our bed like nine times a day. So it's been amazing, hasn't it? Yeah, it's an amazing experience. It's really, it's really been a wonderful time of our life. And, you know, people talk about making the most of retirement or, or aging years. Yeah, and I hear stories, you know, of people that, that retire and they sit in their living room and they never do another thing in their life. And I can't imagine why somebody doesn't use the time To do everything they wanted to do, you know, forever and never had the time to do. I, what I find is That I get very excited about things and then I get very passionate about them and I put everything into them until I burn out. And then I take a break from it and when things cool down and all of a sudden I miss it again. And so I go back and take another look at it and get involved again. And maybe not quite as passionately this time, but You know, a little more, a little more measured experience. I've done that since I was a teenager, for instance, with flying. I got my pilot's license when I was 18 and I flew for several years and it was pretty decent pilot. And then gave it up partly because my ex wife didn't like flying and didn't like me flying. And so I let that go when I had a young family. But every, every so many years, maybe five, seven, eight years I get the itch. Can I still fly? Can I still handle an airplane? And so I go back out to a flight school and go up with an instructor and, you know, I'll spend anywhere from four or five to 10, 12, 20 hours of dual instruction again and try to reclaim my skills. and sometimes that satisfies my passion for the moment. And then move on again. Same things happened with pottery. I learned how to throw pots. My sister in law was an avid potter and actually had a master's degree in fine arts and did pottery in college and had a beautiful studio at her house up in Montecito. And I used to go up there and she taught me a little bit and, I'd play in her studio and have a ball then I'd go off and take some classes and work on stuff. and so this has kind of been my pattern for my whole life get involved, get busy. Passionate about something, really enjoy it, really immerse yourself in it learn as much as you can. And then when you get to a point where you've kind of, okay, what else is out there now? let me try something different. Can I ask one question though? Are you passionate about this marriage? Or is this going to be I don't know. I'm listening to this pattern. Did you hear a chat? Did you hear this kind of like, I'm so involved? And then, yeah, next, which reminds me of that funny story you used to tell about when he went out for the boat and he kind of said, Oh yeah, so romantic. I want to buy a boat and sail away and I'll have a girl in every port. And then I was telling him afterwards, I said, you need to be a bit more specific when you put your ideas out into the universe and did get a girl in every port. You just got the same one. Yeah. Right. True. True.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 21:19

what we need, so.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 21:22

Yeah. But we tend to re invent ourselves every time when something's not working, we kind of go, okay, that's not working. Let's do something different, you know? And to your point about passions, we also maintained. Individual passions, you know, he's more passionate about one thing than I am. And we, I think we talked about that before, but on the sailboat it was always one person's idea more than the other. But we came together both wanting it, which was individual, but then it was like a bond between us, but we still do some things that are not all up in each other. Yeah. We still do some stuff. I think you have to have separate interests along with, Joint interests. And, that's a good way to expand your horizon and bring something new back to the marriage and have something new and different to talk about what those experiences are. And then it just mushrooms and develops from there. if everything is the same all the time, then, you run out of things to say about it because you've already said it all,

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 22:20

This conversation I think is a really good conversation for anyone to be listening to that's kind of entering into what we kind of label as the third age, which is that kind of, you know, second age is where you've become independent, you've built your families, you've built your careers, hopefully you have built up the finances you need to be able to enter into a good and healthy third age. But that's that retirement age, that age of now, really. building your passions and doing what you really want to do in life, not what you have to do in life. And you're giving a lot of good information to people in terms of how do you enter that in a way that is going to allow you to still grow as an individual, but to grow as a couple, because how many people get divorced in that third age where they suddenly now that they're, their jobs end and they're together all the time and they have no commonalities. And because they, they don't have that intersection of their lives, they think because they're so different that they need to be apart rather than, okay, how do we work this together where we can have our individual selves be but build the kind of more cohesive self. So I think this is a great conversation and I really hope this is one of our YouTube and podcast episodes where people really just kind of dive into it and listen and learn from it. And speaking of such, what challenges have you faced in your personal journeys how have you turned these challenges into opportunities for growth?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 24:02

I'll answer that one, if you like at the moment one of the things. And just talking because we're talking about aging well in one thing I've learned in all my travels and everything else like that is to embrace where you are at physically and mentally and emotionally at any stage in your life. And so, for instance, talking about passions and bringing it into your life, here's something I want to do. I never learned how to ski. Okay. I am not now going to learn how to ski because I'm going to say, you know what? As aging well as my body is, I know I'm not in the mood to learn how to tumble and fall in the snow right now. Thank you very much. So it's something to embrace where you're at in your life. And then look at other passions. Maybe that. You haven't done, but are more fitting with where you are physically at this point. I think that's, that's an important lesson that I've learned. And I was talking to somebody yesterday about aging and, you know, ageism and aging out of things. And I'm thinking it's, doesn't mean that just, it does, you don't age out just cause you're in that third age. Look at the gymnasts in the Olympics. They age out at mid twenties, you know, and so it's, they retire at that age from that event. But so the typical retirement at 65 doesn't mean you retire from life. And I think that's the distinction that some people need to make. And my background in theater and television, my parents both being actors, they never, ever retire. Actors never retire. because they'll play the 101 grandfather in a movie. And I think that's what keeps them vibrant. but bringing it together as a couple, we still develop ideas that does that sound good for you? Well, not really. Well, why don't you go do that? And vice versa. But unfortunately, because we lived on a sailboat together, we worked through a lot of closeness. We had a joke on the boat. People would ask us how long we were together. And we would ask them, do you mean in human years or in boat years? Because the couples you talked about who suddenly, you know, the empty nesters, let's put it that way. You realize that realistically during those, that second stage in life, couples don't spend a lot of time together. They may be physically moving through the house like in the morning, getting ready to go and bye, see you later. And later in the evening, Oh, dinner time. And, you know, maybe TV, maybe go for a walk maybe weekend. Somebody's doing golf, somebody's going out swimming and how much quality time does a couple actually spent together in that second phase? And I think what happens is you get, you get unexpectedly forced into that situation. Like we were living on a boat where there was only the two of us and it can't all be past the salt. And where are we going next? You know what I mean? There has to be some conversation that goes a little bit deeper and a little bit more profound. And that's what we felt you know, about our communication skills with each other and learning to be together. And like you said about this stage for other couples, that it's kind of like, Oh, well, we do nothing in common. There's something there. You gotta, you gotta dial back into what it was that brought you together. What was it that you were passionate about in those early days? You know?

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 27:10

I think it's important to find new passions in that age and encourage one another to do so. I think, you know, as I listened to some of Gary's story, I started hearing a lot of my dad in there as well. My dad, he had acted a fair amount when he was younger. in the early years of their marriage. he was doing some standup comedy at the holiday house in Pittsburgh and was on I forget what they call the I'm thinking MMA because my son's in MMA now. The card, but it's not, you know, whatever they call the list of performers. But he was performing with Flip Wilson on the card. This was early in Flip Wilson's career as well. they were talking between acts and Flip, was telling him about this character he was developing, Geraldine, and he demonstrated it for my dad, for years I thought my dad had told him it would never work, you know, black man in drag, it just would not be funny had the story wrong. He said, you know, he saw him performing. It was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. And it was like, he was one of the first people to kind of see flip Wilson perform what became one of his signature bits. But then my dad, you know, had kids and got away from all that. it wasn't until he and his third wife Margaret, my step mom, he just loved dearly has just been such a great, I mean, she's really second mom to me They moved New York because she took a position with the YWCA there and he kind of was forced into retirement from his consulting business and needed something to do and she encouraged him to get back into acting. And so he got an agent and he was probably in his, sixties. He was probably about my age at that point got an agent and he started getting a lot of acting jobs and he was, you know, if you watch the movie the wedding crashers, there's one

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 28:55

Oh, yeah

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 28:56

where

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 28:56

Mm.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 28:58

where he's like, depending on The cut of the movie. He's either with another woman at a table or it's only his face on screen. He was an extra on the entire first season of law and order criminal intent where he had actually his own desk. And, you know, so he was really building into quite a future. And then they ended up kind of moving on and he kind of moved away from it. But he got into doing some painting and pottery and riding horses. And he did, you know, some more kind of individualized acting work. He created this character bucked off that he would do to entertain at senior centers and things like that. And so, he had, You know, finally, a spouse, was very good about encouraging him to do the things that he was passionate about doing. My dad was always passionate about doing a lot of different things, and I learned that from him and it took me a long time to kind of recognize that doing those things and maybe not being by the world standard successful at them. Was still a really important thing, and even though maybe you don't get the brass ring from doing it, he never got a speaking line in a movie, but he had, you know, Kirk Douglas invited him to be at the table with him It's part of the family. I think is the name of the movie, you know, so was close in so many situations, but It was the act of doing that was really the most important. I see kind of that in both of you, that you are so passionate about diving into whatever is next in your lives and, your coupled lives. And so I just, again, I love your story and I'm going to jump onto my next question because this is about you guys talking, not me talking. So, Nia, your book describes a voyage that spans the mind, world, and heart. How has travel contributed to your understanding of mindful living and aging well? We've touched on this a little bit, and I know you talk about it in the earlier episode, but kind of come back to that, and then I'm going to have Gary share as well.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 31:05

Mindfulness for me has, and the travel certainly have influenced it is staying in the present moment and that has always, especially, you know, traveling as a single female that has helped me. Push away any fear or anxiety when I've been traveling by myself. And I'm not sure if we talked about an example last time, but I was in the back of a car in Vietnam, but that was pulled over by the police and I didn't speak the language. I was only in country about two days and they took the driver away and a couple of cars ahead of me where the actual. They were stopping all the cars and motorcycles. One motorcycle tried to go through and those police brought up the buttons and they were literally going to stop him from going through. And I was like, Ooh, this looks kind of interesting. and my brain tried to go forward into what could happen. And then I went, no, no, no, no. You got to stay present, stay in that moment where. You're sitting in the back of a car. There is nothing wrong. Nobody's harassing you right now. You're fine. The only thing that's uncomfortable is that the guy's gone with the keys and the air conditioning's off and it's pretty hot and humid In here, that's the only thing and you've been in hot and humid before it's not an issue and trying to stay in those moments and Years ago, I read a book and i'm sure a lot of people read ecratolis. I think it's a new earth I think it was one of the books and I remember in chapter three specifically he talked about living in the now And I did an exercise where I was tandem skydiving. I wasn't the instructor. Obviously I was the one hanging out with the guy who knew what he was doing. I had done static line parachute jumps before, but this is my first time free falling. And again, you know, driving into that location you would imagine yourself getting anxious. And what I did in that was I said, I'm going to try and practice his chapter three and see about living in the second. when we got into the hangar, they handed me a green jumpsuit and they said, You know, put that on and like it's go time and I went Wait now, all I'm doing is putting on a green jumpsuit. Have I put clothes on on my flight before? Yeah. Is there anything scary about putting clothes on? No. Actually, it's more scary to go out with no clothes on. But anyway, so that's nothing to be feared. Okay guys, it's time to go out. Let's walk out there. Walking out on the tarmac towards the airplane. Have you done that before? Yes. In small airports, that's nothing fearful. Have you climbed onto a plane before? Yes. So, I kept trying to stay in the moment. The only time, obviously the fact that this plane had no door on it had you know, a little bit of difference. And then it came to that moment where you're standing in the doorway and it's like, you got to go because they cut the engines and Gary will tell you it's not a good time to be in an airplane when it's installed. Certainly not as a pilot, right? You need those people to get out of the plane. and then of course, free falling in the moments of free falling, I'm not going to bump into anything. You know, it's, it's absolutely fine. The only moment, the actually only moment of parachuting per se is that second that you and the earth reconnect. And that's the only thing to be worried about. But that doesn't happen until, you know, five or 40 seconds later. So for me, that's the mindfulness. That I think I have learned and that's not to say I'm perfect at maintaining it. my brain does try and sneak up on me occasionally and go, woohoo, scary boo boo, you know, and I just have to re school and re tool for that. I think travel has taught me that a lot. I mean, I would agree with a lot of that. I think in order to live your life, you have to live it now. And you know, we, we all, I mean, we're human and so it's, everybody thinks about the future and the past. I think what you just need to do is embrace the present. And if they're bad thoughts about the future, I think you need to re school your mind about how to think about things. if they're good thoughts that you're excited about and anticipating great. Just you know, except that is that that's coming, but right now is what, what we're in and let's try to enjoy the moment that we have. Okay. So I think those are really key elements. You know, I think living your life the way you want to live it. is such an important aspect of finding happiness, of finding peace, of finding joy, and living in gratitude is probably one of the most important things that any of us can do, in my opinion. You know, if we're not grateful for what we have you know, everything starting from, little things like, gosh, my fingers move. And I can see the screen and I can hear what you're saying and my body works. To all the way to you know thank you for my friends and my family and my kids and my grandkids and you know delighted everybody else is healthy and look at the wonderful life. I'm living I've got Everything I need and that I think is, you know, being happy with what you've already got is the key to finding the joy in your life. and when you do that, I think it has an effect of, Slowing down the aging process and really interesting kind of a little side trip here. People tell me when they look at pictures of me 10 or 15 years ago, that I looked older then than I do now. And that's all I think a function of, you know, ending a bad marriage living joyfully and finding my passions in the new era of my existence on this planet. And so, you know, a little bit of Benjamin Button, but hey you know, if I can stall it or go backwards a little bit, great. I'm very happy with that. Yeah. Can I, can I just add to that as well? we both came from two different backgrounds in terms of Understanding how we tick. Gary had mentioned, you know, he did his master's degree in spiritual psychology. I spent a year as a Tony Robbins platinum partner. And I learned one phrase from him, lots of phrases, but one of them was once you label your experience, it becomes your experience. And so for instance, no matter how, like, let's say we were both on a plane recently that aborted a takeoff, literally as we were careening down the runway. Now we could label that experience of like, Oh my God, this is terrible. It's messed up our whole day, which it did. But as opposed to, yeah, this is actually great that they slammed on the brakes because the door wasn't shutting properly. You know what I mean? So yeah, that's fantastic. So once you label that experience, it becomes your experience or how you experienced that event. And yours was a different one. Yours is about the issue, right? yeah, how you view an issue as you're going through the issue is the issue, you know, what you experience it as defines it. And so, similar, very similar concept of different words, different way of approaching it but, Same result, you know, let's take a look at it and let's try and find, you know Where's the gift in it as Niamh said and what's the challenge that we can look at deal with overcome? learn something from and move forward

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 38:12

use, and one I think we talked about, Niaf, in our previous conversation, but I'm on a quest to change the spelling of gratitude to have two T's in it, so it's an attitude of gratitude. I also believe rather than Carpe diem, as we often say, I prefer carpe momento, meaning seize the moment because know, we can live in the day But again, there's so much that's ahead of us and behind us It it doesn't work well for us if we're in the moment where everything can change for the better because of the decisions that we're going to make now rather than down the road Or decisions we've already made because it's Decisions that we've already made are in the past. There's nothing we can do about those except accept the consequences and, make a better decision the next time. So how do you both stay present and engaged in your daily lives? Are there any specific routines or practices that help you kind of stay focused on living fully in that moment and carpooling memento? Yeah.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 39:19

funnily enough we have a breakfast meeting every morning And we have certain little routines that we do, like Gary makes breakfast, I make lunches, and then we swap dinners. if it's outside, you make the outside breakfast. And if it's inside, I make the dinner, but after our breakfast, we're very blessed. We can go outside and sit outside almost any time of the year. We'll have our tea, we'll have our coffee. And then we go, okay, so what's today's shaping up? Like what do we want to achieve today? Where do we want to be? What are you doing? What am I doing? And I think that helps us stay present in the day. and also created the best way we want to create it. And sometimes we look at each other and we kind of go, we're the two laziest people we know because we just love sitting out there and chatting. some mornings when I've got an awful lot on the desk for the day. you'll say, right, are we going outside? Because it's always like, oh, I haven't put my sunscreen on yet. Well, every day we go outside, we need to put on sunscreen, right? And he goes, I know, but I wasn't sure we were going out anyway. so some days I'll say we got to sit inside because I'm lazy. Cause I can't talk to you anymore. I have got to get to work. We would sit out there and lollygag wouldn't we? Or I think we do anyway. We do. Yeah. Yeah. We get a lot done. You know, it's amazing when you enjoy each other's company. Yeah. That what, what a concept, you know, if you like the person you're with it, it just changes everything. And you know, that's, that's a major key. if you can find all those things That you love about that person, and you like about that person, and focus on that as opposed to the little things that, you know, we all in our marriages and, and relationships have that, that are maybe annoying if you make those the big things, then everything else is bad. And if you, ignore the little things and recognize that it's really all about the love and, and focus on that. Then, then that's what becomes important. Yeah. We, we try to make the little things, fun things to do. Don't we? Like, you know, even emptying the dishwasher or like going shopping. I'm, I'm an anti shopper. I don't like going in shops, whatever. And Gary loves to go to Costco and like, I, I shop more like what is traditionally known as a male shopper. I'll go in, here's my list. Boom, boom, boom. And I'm out of there as fast as I can. Gary likes to go, Oh, well, let's go down this aisle and have a look and see what's there. And, and so we kind of, we play off each other on that. Everything's a surprise. You never know what you're going to find that you're going to want or need or desire when he goes by himself. And he said, Oh, I'm on my way home. It's excellent. I got everything we needed. And I'm kind of waiting for the door to open and go, what else did you get that we didn't need? And it's usually some kind of like, Oh my God, an extra watermelon or something. It's fantastic. Right.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 42:01

my wife and me, except we're flipped. You know, I'm the one that, you know, the Typical male that doesn't like to go shopping. I mean, I'll do stuff on amazon if I can help it So I don't have to go out to the stores. She'll go out and She'll say on saturday, you know, i'm usually kind of working on podcast stuff and she's like, oh, you know She's going shopping and like four hours later. She comes home and it's like I thought you were just going to the grocery store like I had to go to target. I had to go to this place in that place and you know She can spend hours shopping me. It's like If I'm in a store more than 15 minutes, I'm starting to get antsy.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 42:39

And you know, there's a way to embrace that too. One of the things we did and I learned about Gary's process, like we can both experience the same thing, but we come from two different cultures, even though we both speak English. I think we spoke about that before, just because we both speak English doesn't mean we both speak the same language. Now, for instance, we need to make a purchase of something and it doesn't matter if it's a, this is the funny part. If it doesn't matter if it's a small thing or a big thing, like for instance, I would say a car is a major thing. Well, the house is even more major, but Gary's process is to research it to the nth degree. He the most scientific approach. He will read reviews. He will discuss the specifics And I remember the most recent big purchase was the car. And he was like, this, this, this, this, this, I tell you what, Gary, when you've narrowed it, you're so good at this. When you've narrowed it down to three cars. Set up the appointments. I'll come along and I go, I like the blue one, you know what I mean? and similarly, if it's something that I know specifically, like even equipment I need for work, whether it's my laptop or my mic or any of that kind of stuff, he'll do all that kind of work and then Do I do anything good for you? I can't remember. That's one example. Your turn, Gary, come up with something that I do great. You're terrific on stage. you get up and you excite people and entertain people. Yeah. Oh, much better job. Oh, but also organization. Oh my gosh. Look at my desk. Look at Gary Krieger's desk. I couldn't work the way he works. I need you probably. I think you like the way I work, but you don't want to do it, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a very organized person. Never have been. And I probably never will be, but she keeps me more organized than I would be just by myself. You know, I'll tell you what's a really interesting story is that Niaf makes lists of things to do and I always fight to be organized. Doing things, you know, it's like that's a lot of extra work. Do you really want to do that? And what I've come to learn over the years now, and it's just starting to kick in with me really, and it very recently is that I can enjoy doing things that I might not have otherwise enjoyed. If I just change my attitude about them and you know, maybe a project around the house that I've put off for months and turns out to be not a big deal after all, because I actually got in and did it and even had a good time doing it. And so we learn from each other. we support and challenge each other and come up with ways to do things that are different than what we've done before

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 45:18

So let's see, my next question is how do you balance planning for the future while embracing the present, especially in the context of aging?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 45:29

can be challenging. and one of the things we learned was when it was time to get off the water, for instance people used to ask me long before I met How long are you going to do this thing? You know, when I was going to buy a boat and sail off into the sunset. And my typical answer to people, after I thought about it a little, was Until it stops being fun! You know, I'm having a ball right now, learning how to sail, and getting ready to buy a boat, and buying a boat, and fixing it up, and all of those things. And I'm going to do it as long as it feels good. You know, as long as I'm having a good time doing it. What? I never realized, and this is really interesting, because until it happened, I hadn't anticipated it. The time it took to go from being fun and really having a good time doing it, to the time I said, we're done, was like that. It was very quick. And that was as a result of what happened when we were out on the water. The vision of it previously had been, well, we'll do it for however long it seems to be right. And when it starts to feel like it's not right anymore, then we'll wind it down. We'll bring the boat back. We'll have our swan song, sail back to America. And we'll park the boat and move on with our lives. It didn't happen that way at all, Yeah, we had an underwater incident where we wrapped a rope around the propeller, we were motor sailing, and we were in the middle of the ocean between Antigua and St. Barth, just done an overnight passage, and at seven o'clock in the morning the engine, got all fouled up, and it just cut out. And so I, being the scuba diver, although in fairness to Gary, he did get certified, Can I say what year I got certified as a scuba diver on his 72nd birthday, so it's never too late folks, but so anyway, I had obviously a lot more experience at scuba diving. So I went under the boat to wrap this line and he had the. genius idea, which was very genius at the time, to tie me to the boat so I wouldn't drift away. And when I got down there, there was an incredible current and I was hanging on for dear life. And I was down there and it was, it was like 200 foot, wasn't it? Of rope all together. It was humongous amount. It was really bad. Anyway, I'm cutting away, cutting away and I'm getting nowhere. And eventually I think it must've been about 40, 45 minutes. He thought, Oh man, she's, there's something going on. she's got to come up. So he, he goes to do the little tug on the line to say, Hey, it's time to come up. And he pulls up the line. There's no resistance on it. At the end of there's no Niamh. Like I was not attached to the boat anymore. And he was, he got pretty scared about that. And it turns out that I was actually wrapped in the line. So I was technically attached to the boat, but I was actually tied up in the line that I was trying to cut off and it had been in the water for a while and it was full of barnacles. And so it was kind of slashing my skin. So now I'm bleeding in the middle of the ocean. I'm thinking that's not a great idea right about now. So maybe I should try and get out of here. And I got to the back of the boat and the boat was going up and down three feet. And so I couldn't climb up onto the steps at the back of the boat. He was trying to lean down and close the knife I had in my hand. He was afraid I was going to, she had like a jackknife that. we had on the boat and the blade was open and she was trying to get on the boat and it was tied to her wrist dangling there. And I was terrified that the boat was going to lurch and she was going to be trying to grab on and the thing was going to stab her. And so I leaned out to try and take it off her wrist and get or close it. And she was terrified that I was going to fall in. So she was fighting me. She was also hypothermic at that point and exhausted. And so she was putting up. Big resistance. I was frightened that she was going to get badly hurt, or, you know, that we'd lose her out in the water. And it was hard for her to get on the boat. I finally was able to get the knife closed. Together we could Shut it. And so that part was okay. But then it was, how do we get her back on the boat? Because she was having a hard time when the boat was going up and down in the water like this. You couldn't get purchase on the step that was off the back of the boat. And we finally got her back aboard. And it was very frightening. And I really, at that point recognized that this was probably the closest incident we'd had to a potential tragedy. And it scared the life out of me. And so we talked after she warmed up again, several hours later about this is it, we are now done. we've spent six years living aboard, having a ball, traveling from the East coast of the United States, all the way from Maine to South America, to the Northern shores of South America. We've been through the Bahamas and the Caribbean and the Turks and Caicos and done it all. And what a great experience it's been, and now it's done. Yeah, and we recognize that moment, and the irony of it is, I think I talked about this before, where, you know, you've got to close one door for another one to open sometimes, or to recognize something, opportunities coming your way, and when we eventually got to shore in St. Barts we were, on the dock, Gary was on the phone with his family and I got a text from my agent saying, call me. And I said, Gary, get off the phone. We got to call Brian. And sure enough Brian had said, Oh, by the way, your flares up the other book has just been sold. And so, you know, it's, it's time now to get in gear and get ready for book tours and stuff like that. And so a land based life. was calling anyway. And so the whole thing made sense. But what was nice about it was we consciously had made the decision, okay, we got out alive. We bought the t shirt, it's time. And we will look back on this chapter. Six years of our life as an amazing period of our life, but it's time now. And because we've made that decision, we weren't ever lamenting it per se. Yes. There's days we sit out there and we look at the water and we kind of go, Oh, doesn't it look lovely? And then like yesterday, there's this massive thunderstorm. Yeah. No, it doesn't look so lovely no more. So we're glad not to be out there. Right. it was recognizing. I think those moments in your life where, okay, now it's time to shift gears and retool or reinvent or the next phase. I think that's very important in staying true in the present, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. We had met lots of cruising couples out on the water, and the majority of them had a five year plan. most of them started this is what we want to d five years. And m followed their plans, mad arrangements for the last Head back from wherever they were and visit all the places they wanted to see one more time and, and then head home and, and move on with their lives in a different direction. We basically were doing the same thing, but our decision was a little more abrupt in the final. And we were out a year longer than a lot of our friends were. Of course, we were off the boat quicker than a lot of people that we know who are still out there. 8, 10, 12, 15 years living aboard. So, it's all a personal decision. It's all what works for you at the time. But I think it's also recognizing where you're at and what you want and it has nothing to do with what anybody else's decision has been. It's about what's right for you at that particular time and honoring those decisions. I think so much of our life is really coming in touch with what, what is it that, that we want to do? What is it? How do we want to live our life? Who is important in our life and how do we want to maintain those relationships? And then pursuing it, you know, it's almost back to the concept of the secret, which was great when it first appeared, back in the 90s, I think. But they left out such an important step in the process. And the, you know, they, they spent that entire movie and a lot of the book talking about, I got to do is imagine it and it's going to happen. You know, you're going to have these dollars falling in your lap or the fame reaching out and grabbing you. No, you've got to take action. Sure. You want a vision board. Sure. You want to make a plan. Yes, you want to put out what it is that is important in your life that you want to pursue. But then. The most important thing is you've got to take steps to make it happen. And if you don't take the steps to make it happen, it's just amorphous something out there that's probably never, ever gonna come to fruition unless you actually do something about it. And then once you start making the plan and taking the action the universe again opens up for you and you can see the next steps and the next steps and then you can achieve your dreams or your goals. And actually just to add to that, one of the things that I've experienced is that if you're taking those baby steps towards what you think is the goal that you want to achieve or the new passion you want to embrace, if it feels like you're going downstream, then it's probably a good thing, but if it feels like you're coming against obstacle after obstacle after obstacle, and as though you're trying to push and swim up current. Maybe it's not the right choice. And that's what I've been guided for. If, all the little parts or the little pieces of it. start to fall into place, then I feel, yeah, it feels like down sailing, you know what I mean? Or sailing downwind.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 55:24

I think you have to trust the timing too. And I think we've touched on that a little bit in our first conversation was how you two came together. I mean, it was later in life and we talked about, you know, my wife, Pam and I coming together later in life that, and there are those plenty of opportunities in our lifetimes. And I think if you shared how you were both kind of following a similar path around the world, but you never quite were in the same place the right time. And there was actually one moment where Gary was buying his boat and you were actually in a building in the picture somebody took of him, you know, looking at the boats and timing has to be right there as well. And we have to kind of trust in the process, trust in the universe and trust that if we're doing where our passion is guiding us, trusting our purpose. things are going to work out when they need to work out.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 56:18

Yes, absolutely. We probably wouldn't have worked out had we met sooner, you know? And having said that, I also, for me personally, believe that Gary was the person I was always supposed to meet. Because this relationship is different to any other relationship I experienced in my whole life. And I think had we met sooner, cause his kids used to say to her, I wish you'd met my dad sooner. And I'm like, no, that wouldn't have been a good idea.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 56:45

Yeah.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 56:45

into our own beings. And I think for me personally, it's the most, adult relationship I've ever been in because I feel a hundred percent free to be me and who I am. His support of everything. He supports me in a way that I want of things I want to do, that he knows that are good for me to do. He doesn't support issues where he thinks, no, that's probably not a great idea for you, but he embraces it for me. And I say, well, this is why I think this is a good idea for me. Okay. Well, that makes sense. No, I still don't see it. And then I'll see it differently. Maybe, you know, so we have that really good way of communicating. I would think, well, don't we. and vice versa for you, Gary tends to overschedule himself in the day. Back to our laziness. No. You know, but. What I find with Gary is he underestimates the time it's going to take to do a certain thing. And I'm kind of, well, that's kind of the full day. well, we're just here. We could squeeze this and squeeze this. And I'm like, yeah, no, we've tried that. And that didn't work. Remember? Oh, yeah. Okay. We won't do that again. Right. Am I right there or no? Yeah, no, no, I definitely get that. Passionate about trying to get everything done or trying to do more than I really am capable of doing. You know, the perfect example of that is when we travel, if we're in France, for instance and we've got this wonderful vacation planned, I may say, well, we're not that far from Monaco. Let's go to Monaco. and, you know, when we're in Monaco, there may be some other little area that we want to see or a location within France that we haven't planned on going to. And it's like. How much can we cram into these few days that we're gonna be there whatever it happens to be? Because I don't know when we're gonna get back there again I want to see as much as I can and do as much as I can and experience as much as I can But that's exhausting too Do you know something that I'm just the thought just occurred to me just now you saying that I wonder is that the difference between What was the? And still is an American vacation versus a European one. And what I mean by that is in Ireland, growing up the traditional holidays, you could get about three, four weeks, depending on your job. Whereas I remember when I came to America first, you had five days in the first year, you have to work 12 Months to get five days off. And then I think it was two years before you get two full weeks. So possibly that is coming from that, that, you know, your culture is different in so far as you didn't get as much vacation time. It's kind of like, I'm here. Let's cram it in. Possibly. Yeah. We're just discussing this between us. Stay tuned. Come back in part four. We're getting to a point now where short times in places are okay. And having a snapshot view of something is, you know, different, but it's okay. And it's still enjoyable and we still have a good time and it's easier to get around and you don't have to live under such stress. You know, and. Run all the time, which is exhausting. So, you know, all small changes, but they're all good.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 59:47

Yeah.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 59:47

I think you take away the should, don't you doing it that way? You don't know. I should, I'm in Paris. I have to see the Eiffel tower. I should see the Mona Lisa. I should see, you know, all of those things. I think you can even take that pressure off yourself.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:00:00

Yeah, when we travel, I tend to be one that just want to experience it. you know, it's fun. We had spent two weeks in Ireland, Scotland last summer, and I was a little less worried about, let's plan, let's do this, let's have a schedule. Let's just kind of go with the flow. Pam is much more. everything mapped out. We gotta cram as much in there as possible. We're gonna be in this city at this day, in this city at that day, and we're gonna go to this, we're gonna go to that. And I'm just like, okay. I just go along and it's like, where am I going next? I'm happy to go.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:00:33

So the. First trip we took to Ireland. I don't know if you have talked about this before. Mm-Hmm. I looked at Ireland. I said, gee, this is a pretty small country. You know, I came from California, which is huge. And I said, well, let's go up and see the giants causeway up in Northern Ireland at the very north coast looks very cool. And she goes, well, on the same day, we're supposed to see Blarney Castle, which is in the south of Ireland. Well, it's only what, three hour drive or something, four hour drive, I don't know. So it's, it's technically by, if you look, what happened was you looked at the map and you said, oh, it's X amount of miles. Therefore, in America, it means X amount of hour driving. I went, no, you don't understand. Let me explain about the roads in Ireland. First of all, they're a little narrower than the car you drive. And number two, the hedge is not your friend. It's either hiding a ditch or stone wall behind his little branches. And so many of the cars I said to him, one thing when we're renting a car in Ireland, if they give you one, that's all bashed up on the left hand side. Rent that one. He goes, why? I said, because you'll know, because soon enough, you're going to do that yourself. And I said, if it's already dented, you're in great shape because I driving it was a totally different experience, right? It is. And I found that out. we slowed it down the next few times we were there. So, yeah. And you did really well. He actually learned how to, first of all, drive on the left hand side of the road. And with my navigating and everything, it was interesting. We worked really well in close quarters. on the boat, even in the house, run around. The one place where our, as a relationship, Achilles heel is in the car. Oh, dear. Number one. I am not a good passenger because I like to drive while I'm a passenger, which I think some of my female friends apparently have the same issue. And as Gary says, you scare me more than the road does because I'm like, Ooh, did you see the bicyclist? Did you see the pedestrian? Yes. If I saw them, I've been driving some time now in my life, right? I got my driver's license when I was 16 years old on my birthday. Yes. I've been driving for a while. It's got to a place where I do have a startled reflex, which I've tried to overcome. I'm not quite sure what it's about, but I do get startled quite easily. so one of the times what we had to do was I actually had to put on a blindfold in the car and just go la la la la. And then I thought this is a total waste of time. And then my girlfriend bought me one of these, like, do you remember the old tray tops that had beanbags underneath, like we sit in your TV dinner tray kind of thing. Well, there's one now for the laptop. So I have that in the car, I have the laptop on top of that. And I actually work while he's driving. So I'm not looking at the road and it's, our marriage has improved, has it not? Immensely. Well, my driving certainly got better. Oh yeah.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:03:18

Yeah.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:03:18

Ever since I stopped looking out the window, his driving has gotten much better.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:03:23

I just let Pam drive everywhere when we're going together.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:03:26

smart. That's smart. Gary, are you listening? Yeah. Okay. Good. Watch. I navigate. Oh yes. You see if it's new driving in new areas, like certainly going down to Miami for like a week, jump on the cruise ships. I'm actually a decent navigator. So we've decided that I should drive alligator alley, which is a big, long stretch of road through the Everglades. And there's nothing to bump into out there and he can go asleep. And then when it comes like busy, busy, he can drive. Cause grew up driving in LA. So he's used to like driving like. Crazy in my opinion. and then I can navigate, which kind of works, right? We make it work. It's not to say there isn't moments where we kind of, have to regroup, let's say, in the marriage. Yeah, but you know what? Laughter. You gotta laugh. You gotta laugh a lot, you know, if you don't laugh a lot with each other, life gets, it sucks. You know, that joy and the laughter and the happiness all kind of go together that, you know, you work to bring it out and try and make everything as much fun as you can. And to me, that's the key to having a good life.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:04:29

think you answered my next question, but I'll ask it again just in case there's anything else you want to add, but can you share tips for couples who want to grow and thrive together as they age? Laughter, obviously,

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:04:42

There's probably one, I think living in gratitude, which you spoke about a little bit earlier. and understanding that the other person just because the other person has a different way of processing doesn't mean they're wrong, you know, and respecting each other's processes has been a difficult one for me to understand. like I said earlier, Gary tends to be slow and methodical. his decision making my background as a television director is let's go, let's go, let's go. You know, I need a decision right now. And so we've both had to learn how to respect each other on that. Would you say? Absolutely. I mean, I was a brooder. I, you know, something would happen. it would upset me and I would process it for maybe three or four days or a week. And you know, on a boat, that's a long time, close quarters. And she kind of got me a point where I can Get it done much quicker now so I don't brood as much anymore. I, I probably feels like I created a monster in some ways because now, you know, if there's something that happens, I may come back quickly and go. blah, blah, blah, and get it out. And it's like, oh, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, don't hold it in. and now he doesn't Be careful what you wish for ladies

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:06:01

yeah, I think Pam would hope that I would hold things in a little bit more, but I'm, I'm like that, it's like, get it out and it's

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:06:07

Oh.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:06:07

Know,

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:06:07

in the, it, it's, it can be a bit more fireworks like, but at the same time it's better. And I, one of the things we've talked about is that if you are having a row. Try and stay on topic of this row because we tend to reach back into, especially if we're triggered about something, we tend to reach back into our past about something else that bothered us that we didn't bring up at the time. And then I think I've used this example before, say you're in the middle of loading the dishwasher. Well, you never liked my mother anyway, you know. Where did that come from? Right? So, so I think that's one of the things we have to do is to stay on task. And the other thing is, especially if it's in a second major relationship like ours is and, and you meet later in life, we've had an awful lot of living by ourselves up to this point. we may be going into an argument without realizing that that. Part of what's triggering us is old baggage from a different relationship. And if Gary sort of said, I don't know, I'll use a bad example, but like, sit down there, I'd be like, don't you control me? You know what I mean? I'll sit where I am. Well, please. Right. And that is Gary's biggest The most uncontrolling in terms of me anyway, person I've ever met, but I've had people in my past who tried to control me, not just, you know, what I did, but how I thought and everything else. And so that's a big red flag for me. And so I have tended in the past to overreact to something he might say that to me appeared to be controlling, but really wasn't, but that's my old baggage. And so we've learned to look at that and you have triggers like that too, don't you, from your past. And I'll say we all have triggers. And it's just a function Of trying to recognize what those triggers are and then understanding that it's not really about the situation that you're in right now. You've got a story from one of your relatives about shoes. Oh, yeah. So, a certain person was going to a wedding and she was trying to get shoes to go with her outfit and apparently it turned into quite the fracas and eventually her husband said to her, blah, blah, blah, blah about the shoes and she goes, it's not about the shoes. It's about the shoes and that just, you could write an entire essay on that, you know, and I think nevermind the shoes could have been a scarf, could have been a bow tie, could have been anything, but I think women would identify with that in terms of, it's not about the shoes. And it's like, as women, we tend, generally tend To say, no, I just want you to hear me right now. I don't want you to fix me. You know, I think that's an age old, you know, men are from Mars kind of an outlook but there's elements of truth in that.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:08:54

That is really good sage advice there. So are there any new projects on the horizon that you are excited about?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:09:05

Yeah. I'm sure there are. I just can't think of them right now. Well, our next. project after we've got the following sunshine which is out and launched. And you know, we've got a lot of work to do with that in terms of the book tours and the presentations. But in the month of November, we'll be on celebrity constellation leaving out of Barcelona for the transatlantic cruise. So we'll be on that. And then we stay on the boat when it gets to Tampa and we'll be on for a Caribbean cruise. So we'll be on that particular ship for about a month giving our talks about, you know, some of them is like, what's it really like to live on a sailboat? Finding meaning through traveling. Then we've got a whole talk on backstory flares up, which is about the two lads who rode across the Atlantic that we met in Antigua. And then of course my new book following sunshine and how we met. And then we've went on laughter as well. I think. You know, we're going to touch on laughter yoga, which we've been practicing. And now we're both certified, I think, as teachers of laughter yoga, which in and of itself,

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:10:05

Laughter yoga is a thing?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:10:07

Oh my gosh. Oh yes. And it's all got to do with, you know, like you can fake it till you make it. You can actually, if you don't feel like laughing, you can actually start off. Like, go ahead, Gary. Well, the background on it. First is that physiologically laughter ends up releasing endorphins and creating all kinds of positive physical results for your body blood pressure goes down and, and anxiety goes down and, and endorphins go up and, and so there, there's a lot of actual science behind the concept of laughter. And the good thing about the laughter yoga is that the brain does not. discern between you're faking a laugh or you're actually laughing. And so if you go through the motions, which is the deep breathing and the guffawing and the, you know, the getting it out, all the benefits of the physical reactions Happen. and then eventually it's easier to laugh and mm-Hmm, you laugh more often. Mm-Hmm. and you laugh at simple things that you might not have laughed at before. And so the science is really strong on it.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:11:25

Is this yoga where you're like doing the conventional poses and laughing

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:11:29

no, not conventional yoga per se, but you are actions with it as well. And learning and opening up your chest and breathing and also laughter is contagious and especially done in a group. That's why it's like part of the laughter yoga started by a doctor in India who was doing a thesis on laughter. And then develop this laughter yoga back since the nineties. Right. And it's, I can't remember exactly how many countries right now, but 160 countries, something like that. And one of the things you can do, like, for instance, on a day, you know, we can turn around, I can turn around to him and I go, and then eventually it becomes actually quite funny. You know what I mean? And they're both laughing. And it's like, you remember when you were kids and that You'd get in a circle and you'd lay on somebody else's belly, you know, your head on the belly and, and it would go around like that, or, you know, a chain of people and one person would go, ha, and your head would bounce when they, you know, and then the next person would do, ha, ha, and then it was, ha, ha, ha. And pretty soon everybody is just cracking up. It becomes real. And the other thing we do too is if we do laugh, if there's something funny going on and we're actually laughing, part of that training has taught us to keep that laughing going because you are exercising your lungs because you're getting more oxygen to the brain because it's releasing the endorphins and you tend to laugh longer. Because most laughing apparently is like, Three seconds, maybe, you know, and part of that laughter yoga training is to try and laugh Continuously for like 60 seconds, isn't it? And you do feel amazing afterwards It does seem silly at first, but you know what? I mean, it's we've had a lot of fun with it.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:13:10

I'm gonna have to research that a little bit more and do an episode of the podcast on you know laughter yoga for an aging well Because

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:13:17

Absolutely No, it's brilliant. I can send you all the information on it. Yeah, it's fantastic

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:13:22

because my first picture of it was being in these yoga positions and just like, you know intentionally laughing

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:13:30

well, actually, I have gone to traditional yoga. And yes, I laugh, but not because it's laughter yoga. It's because like, you know what? If I was meant to bend like a pretzel, God would have made me that way. You know, I have a hard time. I mean, it's very good for the soul, but it for everybody does yoga. But it's, it's if you're starting out, you've tried to do yoga. I've tried to drag you to yoga. It's like. That ain't happening, right? My body just is way too tight to do that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, the other thing about aging well that I did a lot of research on and there's some wonderful science out there about it is saunas. And it turns out according to the latest research and if you look there's a woman by the name of Rhonda Patrick, Who's a PhD biologist. She's got a lot of stuff on YouTube and she does podcasts on the science of health and aging and physicality and wellbeing. And a lot of the science is coming outta Finland, but the studies show that if you take a sauna four days a week. For 20 minutes or more at a time at 174 degrees Fahrenheit, I believe it is the overall mortality rate drops by 65 percent statistically. So it's an amazing avenue to try and get the longest healthiest life you can. And it's a fairly simple thing that you can do. And it has cardiac benefits. It has epithelial benefits for the cells the blood vessel walls. I mean, it affects every part of your body. And so we ended up buying a sauna, putting it in the garage and we try to use it. Three, four times a week at least back to the whole thing about research. No, we didn't go out and buy a sauna. No, Gary, we searched it eight weeks if I'm not mistaken. And then eventually, yes, settled on the, on the one and whether it was going to be infrared or whether it was going to be dry sauna, wet sauna, all that kind of stuff. But yeah, and you know what? The funny thing is I used to kind of get, Oh, for God's sake, would you get on with it and make a decision with you? But at the end of the day, I have always turned around and said, Good for you. You always choose the right one at the end of the day, you know? And so, yeah, we have it right here in the house and we use it. And guess what? One of the things we do in the summer, sometimes we talk, but a lot of times it's a great time for us to listen to podcasts. We bring that in or an audio book and we listen to it together. It's a really nice together time as well. Yeah. We

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:15:59

my wife to get a sauna, but we have to get a bathroom remodel before I could ever get my sauna, so we'll see, eventually.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:16:07

put ours in the garage in the corner of the garage and a lot of people put them outside or on the patio. So there, there's lots of options, but Yeah, it's well worth it, I think. They're expensive, but they're not outrageous. Do you know what I mean? Right? You, you did all the research and you got a really nice one for us that's not too expensive. But all things are relative.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:16:30

So I've already asked this question of Niaf, so I'm going to ask you, Gary, and you maybe alluded to it a little bit with the laughter yoga and saunas, but what else are you doing physically and personally to age well?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:16:44

Well, we're certainly trying to control our diet and eat healthy. I think that's critical. We've cut way down on protein and increased dramatically on vegetable and green. We've cut carbohydrates down a lot. We tried exercise. I, I wish I could say I was a gym rat or a, you know, a, a exercise fiend. I'm not. I never have been. Although there was a 15 year period of my life when I was in my thirties and forties when I ran three, four times a week. But I've never been, you know, the jock per se. I try now to get out and walk several times a week and at least do a couple miles when we're out there. So a little bit of physical activity. Eating healthy, having a good frame of mind and you know, trying to just take care of any issues that happen to come up at any given time. You know, I don't run to the doctor, every time I have an itch, but I want to make sure I'm up on my physicals and that things look good. So those are the kinds of things, you know, trying to keep healthy, loving relationships, I think is so important. Because when you're surrounded by love and you love your friends and your family and your kids, I think that's a very healthy way to live. So yeah, gratitude.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:18:07

All right. Well, I think you might have answered this in that comment as well, but any final stage words of advice or comments for our listeners or viewers as we wrap up this episode?

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:18:20

I think I've said most of, what I have to say. I would just emphasize. Living in gratitude is probably one of the most important things that I have discovered in my life. And I think I can't emphasize it enough. You know, if we are grateful for what we have in all aspects of our life from physical, emotional, psychological consumerism, everything else, anything you want. If you're grateful for what you've got, then. Everything else seems to fall into place. The other thing I would add to that is actually the name of the boat in Flares Up, the boat that the two lads rode across the ocean. And the name of the boat was Dream It, Do It. And I think that has become a mantra for me later in life as well is not to put off anything that is a dream that you've always thought someday, guess what? We're in that third phase. This is someday. Someday has come. Go do it.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:19:22

That's awesome.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:19:23

let me just add since she brought up boat names I had three pages of possible boat names when I bought the sailboat. And agonized over what to choose. It was kind of crazy, but it was fun too. And the name we ended up with was Freed Spirit. And that's kind of how I felt when I changed my life around. That my spirit was freed and that's how I seem to live my life now for the rest of my years is as a freed spirit.

jeff_1_08-29-2024_075929: 1:19:58

Well, I think that is a great way to end this episode of the Aging Well podcast. So following sunshine and keep aging well.

niamh-mcanally-and-gary-krieger_1_08-29-2024_110142: 1:20:08

Thank you, You as well.

1:20:12

Thank you for listening. I hope you benefited from today's podcast. Until next time, keep aging well.